Let's not muck about - this film is completely ridiculous. And steven is the greatest man in the world of ridicukous. Here then, are the best lines in this hilarious film. CONTAINS POSSIBLE SPOILERS! Note that everything that comes out of Steven's mouth is hysterical in any case. For a start his name is Mason Storm. That just about beats Gino Felino and Nico Toscani.
Scene - some essais randomly attack a convienience store. The owner jumps out from behind the counter with a baseball bat and says 'I got half a mind to-' The lead essai blows him away, and replies, 'Now you only got half a mind!' Imagine the emphasis starting at the beginning and dwindling neatly away to nothing.
Scene - Steven uses his mystic Chinese healing powers to bring him back to full strength after 7 years in a coma. He punches a training post so hard it flies out of the ground. Kelly leBrock says, 'May-son schtorm'. Exactly like that.
Scene - Steven throws a grenade he has just mysteriously found in his pocket. There's no line, but his face is a picture.
Scene - Steven is tracking down the baddies in the governor's mansion. The corrupt cop, nervous at Steven's intrusion, finds Steven has written 'ANTICIPATION OF DEATH IS WORSE THAN DEATH ITSELF' on the wall in massive letters somehow. The bent copper lifts up the toilet seat in the bathroom to find Steven has written 'YOU'RE NEXT' on the underside of the toilet seat. Oh really, has he. Steven then shouts out, 'HOWDOESITFEELTOKNOWYOURABOUTTODIE?!' How could he possibly think that was an acceptable way to speak in a movie?
The best scene in the movie - Steven is tracking the final villain in his bedroom. He's calling out 'Vernon?' 'Where are you Vernon?' 'Oh, you're so god at this Vernon' at random intervals. He then says, 'Maybe you're behind this painting'.
For a start, there is no painting on screen. Secondly, how could he possibly be hiding behind a painting? You really have to hear this line to appreciate just how funny it is.
And finally, of course, when Steve-o stabs his wife's killer in the neck with a piece of snooker cue, it sounds like this: Baddie: 'Nice moves'. URRRR! AAAGGH! ARRR! Urrrr. Steven: That's for my wife, F*** you and die!
This movie utterly rules.
Scene - some essais randomly attack a convienience store. The owner jumps out from behind the counter with a baseball bat and says 'I got half a mind to-' The lead essai blows him away, and replies, 'Now you only got half a mind!' Imagine the emphasis starting at the beginning and dwindling neatly away to nothing.
Scene - Steven uses his mystic Chinese healing powers to bring him back to full strength after 7 years in a coma. He punches a training post so hard it flies out of the ground. Kelly leBrock says, 'May-son schtorm'. Exactly like that.
Scene - Steven throws a grenade he has just mysteriously found in his pocket. There's no line, but his face is a picture.
Scene - Steven is tracking down the baddies in the governor's mansion. The corrupt cop, nervous at Steven's intrusion, finds Steven has written 'ANTICIPATION OF DEATH IS WORSE THAN DEATH ITSELF' on the wall in massive letters somehow. The bent copper lifts up the toilet seat in the bathroom to find Steven has written 'YOU'RE NEXT' on the underside of the toilet seat. Oh really, has he. Steven then shouts out, 'HOWDOESITFEELTOKNOWYOURABOUTTODIE?!' How could he possibly think that was an acceptable way to speak in a movie?
The best scene in the movie - Steven is tracking the final villain in his bedroom. He's calling out 'Vernon?' 'Where are you Vernon?' 'Oh, you're so god at this Vernon' at random intervals. He then says, 'Maybe you're behind this painting'.
For a start, there is no painting on screen. Secondly, how could he possibly be hiding behind a painting? You really have to hear this line to appreciate just how funny it is.
And finally, of course, when Steve-o stabs his wife's killer in the neck with a piece of snooker cue, it sounds like this: Baddie: 'Nice moves'. URRRR! AAAGGH! ARRR! Urrrr. Steven: That's for my wife, F*** you and die!
This movie utterly rules.