Review of Savate

Savate (1995 Video)
2/10
If "savate" is French for "crap," this movie is aptly named
5 April 2002
Cheap, wretchedly written, horrendously (mis)directed, badly acted, anachronistic, brainless, illogical, cliched, stupid, and completely, utterly worthless--and those are its good points. Part of the problem is Gruner himself--like Schwarzenegger he's not much of an actor, but Arnie has the flair and personality to carry a movie, no matter how lousy it is. Those are characteristics that Gruner is completely lacking. The major part of the problem, however, are the filmmakers themselves. I have no idea who director Isaac Florentine is, but for his sake I hope that's not his real name, because he should never be allowed anywhere near a movie set again after this. He is completely clueless on how to pace a story, how to TELL a story, camera placement, directing actors, writing, and every other conceivable aspect of filmmaking. Little of this film makes even the slightest bit of sense. It's (obviously) a showcase for Gruner's kickboxing skills, but this movie is so incompetent that it doesn't even do that right; it manages to make Gruner actually appear to be not much more skillful than most of the opponents he goes up against.

As for the other actors, they don't have all that much to do, and they don't do that all that well. Marc Singer plays a German officer in the French army who was Gruner's nemesis when he was stationed in Mexico with the French cavalry (only a hint of how convoluted this film is) and plays it over the top, with a monocle, a saber scar, and an accent that reminds you of Siegfried in the "Get Smart" televsion series. Ian Ziering, of "Beverly Hills 90210" fame, plays a frontier settler (with a tan and perfect hair) who befriends Gruner. James Brolin is in this, too, although I can't fathom why; he must have read the script before he took the job, and as he sure doesn't need the money, what the hell is he doing in this thing?

Anyway, don't waste your time on this turdball. The ending is exactly what you know it will be 30 seconds into the movie, and it's not worth sticking around to find out. Avoid it.
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