Review of Vampirella

Vampirella (1996 Video)
2/10
costume excusable, movie not excusable
23 October 1999
Vampirella is based on the classic comic series featuring a half-naked vampire from the planet Drakulon fighting Drakolonians who went to Earth. Vampie's costume is a bit different in this movie and this has irritated some fans. It couldn't be help, according to news I've read, had Talisa Soto wore the classic costume her breasts would keep getting exposed because she has to be in fight scenes.

Still, the movie suffers terribly from extreme B-movie cheesiness ("Vampire... Ella... Vampirella!") and not so interesting plot. I got sleepy by the last third of the movie! There's hardly any chemistry between Vampirella and Van Helsing. The climax of the movie would remind you of the other vampire movie, Blade. Vampie is falling to a sort of primal thinking mind as she has not taken blood in quite a while. To gain control of herself again, she needs a few drink from Van Helsing's. Vampirella came out first before Blade, but Blade is better because the hero's motivation is in focus (and not use cheesy dialogues as an excuse). Drakulon society is supposed to abhor revenge, but the consequences of doing so is not made clear and so the story just plods along. Drakulon society also abhors drinking people's blood preferring that they drink artificial blood (or a river of blood but we never get to see it), and so the idea that Vampie is breaking a norm doesn't even dawn on her. For most of the movie, there's nothing there that shows Vampirella as being different from other Drakulonians and so breaking the norm doesn't come naturally. The humor is lame. The movie isn't fun and also not funny.

The verdict: 1 of 5 stars.
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