Cabin Fever (2002)
2/10
A thoroughly hateful waste of celluloid
23 January 2004
Generally, I don't expect a great deal from horror films, particularly ones that begin with a group of college kids in a secluded cabin in the woods. Also, I'd heard some pretty harsh things about this one from various critics and Internet sites. Consequently, I went in with very low expectations. Miraculously, it still managed to disappoint me.

This is, quite simply, one of the most inept attempts at narrative it has ever been my misfortune to witness. Throwing aside the concepts of plot logic, narrative progression, character development, or even making a point, Cabin Fever opts instead for an approach that can only be described as "a bunch of stuff that happens". It is not enough that nothing happens for any readily discernible reason. To compound its sins, the screenplay assumes that the audience is too monumentally stupid to grasp even the simplest plot points. For instance, we're given a shot establishing that the water supply is contaminated. Fine. We are then treated to endless reminders, from close-ups of glasses, to shots of characters pouring and drinking the water, to eerie musical cues accompanying any appearance of water. And if that isn't enough to get the point across, we are treated to a second sequence in which a character DISCOVERS the contamination.

I'm certain that the entire genesis of this film lay in the mock-clever wordplay of the title. Once you've heard the title, you've pretty much experienced what the film has to offer. The rest is cheap gross-outs and pointless side-events that pop up at random, never coming to much of anything.

The sad part is, there is potential in this basic idea. Unfortunately, Eli Roth seems entirely uninterested in wondering how these character would actually deal with the situation. Anytime it looks like they might have to begin to deal with their plight, he simply throws a vicious dog or a party of rampaging rednecks or another close-up of bloody sores into the mix, thus relieving himself of the responsibility of having to actually tell a story. And what in god's name is the "pancakes" kid about?

Roth manages to compound the pointlessness of it all by ending the film with a throwaway joke concerning a racial epithet that should have payed off in the first act, then following it up by beating the audience over the head with more references to tainted water.

I've seen many bad films, but only rarely have I spent the entire running time angered with the director. A bad movie is just a bad movie. Cabin Fever is a personal insult.
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