Laser Mission (1989)
1/10
correction on location
28 January 2005
This turkey came with the "50 SciFi Classics" pack - a real treasure trove for the bad cinema aficionado. I can't add much to what's already been said about the lousy scripting, acting and directing, but there's one scene near the end that's the pièce de résistance. Michael Gold takes a carefully aimed shot in the back less than twenty feet away. The front of his shirt just oozes blood and he staggers around at first. It got my hopes up for a minute. Miraculously, however, he seems to recover more and more as time goes on. Before long we see him running, knocking off more bad guys and making his usual wisecracks. Once in a while he grabs his shirt to stanch the blood, but he by the end of the film the wound is all but forgotten. Well, you knew nothing bad was going to happen to him when Kalishnakov inexplicably removes the handcuffs and allows himself to be overpowered.

A couple people speculated that the film's fictional setting was Cuba. I believe it opened in some made-up sub-Saharan nation - I'm not going back to look up the name - but it was stated during one of the briefings that the bad guys were on their way to Namibia, a real desert country in southwest Africa. I only make note of it because I traveled there a couple years ago, and I swear I recognized one of the street scenes they used as well as the distinctive color of the Namib desert sand. It makes me wonder if they blew most of the filming budget on a boondoggle to Africa for a few location shots.
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