Man-Thing (2005)
2/10
Worse than The Hulk!
30 April 2005
Warning: Spoilers
I thought The Hulk was the worst Marvel movie.

I was wrong.

At least that had enough -happening- to put it in the theaters. Man-Thing didn't even have that. It was supposed to be in the theaters, but even they knew it was so bad that if someone had to pay to see that, they'd write in and demand their money back.

This movie started out very very slow. But I thought that I'd give it a chance. Lots of good movies have a slow beginning. And so I kept watching. And watching. And watching. And nothing happened. At all. I was waiting for there to be some point where it became an interesting movie, but that point never happened. It was the same slow boring story from the very beginning to the very end. It was only half way through and I was already checking my watch, thinking this has to be almost over.

Th end was lame. You explode one drill and the Man-Thing is calmed? He's happy now? I don't think so. This made him look like a bad guy completely. He's not. Well, not exactly. But they didn't even bother with any of that in the movie. He was just a cranky tree that didn't like people drilling in his swamp.

You can't call it horror, because it wasn't scary in the least. You saw through the Man-Thing's eyes in choppy spliced-up little slide shows of the-gods-know-what because you can't even focus on any of them. It's not scary, it's annoying. And they don't explain -why- he sees in fast motion or whatever that is.

And then there is the gratuitous relationship. Hey, I have nothing against romance in action movies, but is it too much to ask that they get to know each other a -bit- before they start to make out and all that? He tosses her over his shoulder and what, she's smitten? Give me a break. Her character was completely pointless. Oh, and "Hey we just saw this big huge explosion, two people die and the Man-Thing implode and we're standing in the middle of a creepy dark swamp in the middle of the night, let's kiss." Um, no.

And then let's talk about the Man-Thing himself. Like the Hulk, you have to suffer through 3/4 of a boring movie to even -see- the title character and in this case, when you do, he looks TERRIBLE! What were those silly things coming from his back? They weren't vines, they looked more like bloated snakes. Yuck! He was just a head and glowing red eyes and those yucky things. Totally disappointing.

I saw it on SciFi, so I can't say I wasted my money. If I had seen it in the theaters, I'd be mad. Very mad. Needless to say, I won't be picking up the DVD.
8 out of 13 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed