As B-grade movies go (or straight-to-cable/video, as they are now commonly called), Teenage Caveman deserves more credit than it gets. However, if you are not into bad movies, I definitely do not recommend viewing this at all.
Andrew Keegan, of "Ten Things I Hate About You" fame, stars as David, the son of a hypocritical egomaniac who has a small tribe of apocalypse survivors believing he is some kind of messiah. However, like most fanatical evangelists, he is actually just a pervert using his status to get teenagers into the sack. (Sounds like this guy is the director's alter-ego.) His taste for young flesh compels him to prey on David's girl friends, Elizabeth and Sarah, and even hinting at some pederasty with his friend Joshua (played by Shan Elliot, the prettiest man in the movie). When David's father tries to rape Sarah, David kills his father by stabbing him in the eye. As punishment, he gets crucified to a tree for a few days until his loyal friends cut him down and flee the caves.
The small band trek across empty grass land until arriving at the ruins of Seattle, where they get caught in some kind of a sandstorm (doesn't that only happen in the desert?) and wake up clad in underwear in a biotech research lab that's been converted into some ultra-cool pad. There they are introduced to Neil and Judith, a 20th century couple who had been genetically enhanced to withstand injury and prevent aging. Over the next few hours, the hyper-repressed cavedwellers are taught how to skinny dip, get drunk, and get high on cocaine (which airhead Neil somehow learned how to grow and process from the cocoa plant). All the teenagers take part eagerly, except for David and Sarah, who retreat to an isolated room to fall asleep in peace. Then the remaining kids are taught how to have sex in a disturbing and uncomfortably long orgy scene. It reflects too well how the "first time" is awkward and... absurd. With the lack of any distinguishable dialog and the endless cackling laughter, this scene was probably completely ad-libbed by the actors. I'm sure it made for a fun-filled day of shooting.
While the cavekids think they have found their haven where they may do whatever they like, it turns out that that by having sex with them, Neil and Judith have infected the kids with their own genetic mutation. The first to morph is Elizabeth, whose body cannot handle the change and explodes while Neil and Judith look on. Later on, poor Joshua gets his chest ripped open by a jealous Neil who can't stand to hear boasts about doing his girlfriend. When David and Sarah catch on to the rouse, they plot to round up their remaining friends and escape Neil and Judith. Unfortunately, tom-boy Heather explodes before they can leave, the very unattractive Vincent has secretly changed and stops Sarah from running away, and David is tricked into having sex with Judith who disguises herself as Sarah. By this time, Neil and Judith have discovered how to keep the body from self-destructing and David survives the change. When he is told to infect Sarah, he distracts Judith, allowing Sarah to run away again, only to be tracked down by Vincent, who tries to rape her (how many times does this girl have to be sexually assaulted?) but then has his head ripped off clean by Neil. She gets dragged back to the lab to be changed, where David presents Judith with Vincent's decapitated head. Judith, who actually grew to love the unlikable Vincent, gets into a heated argument with Neil while David and Sarah make a run for it. Neil, with his bad temper and pent-up sexual frustration after being denied sex for 20 years, ends up ripping Judith's heart from her chest, then sinks to his knees crying over her corpse in some gross overacting.
Neil changes into a monster that looks like The Leprachaun and goes after David... by hanging him. Sarah runs up and hits him (like a girl) with a baseball bat, then runs away screaming the most ridiculous line in the movie: "You're a looner!" (whatever the hell that means) Eventually, David kills Neil and tells Sarah to go back to the tribe, telling her that if they stay together, she might die. She refuses, and has sex with him anyway. The next thing we see is David standing before his astonished ex-tribe in the gayest outfit ever assembled announcing that he is "taking the kids." We never know what becomes of Sarah, but we can only guess that she died laughing after seeing what David was wearing.
Andrew Keegan, of "Ten Things I Hate About You" fame, stars as David, the son of a hypocritical egomaniac who has a small tribe of apocalypse survivors believing he is some kind of messiah. However, like most fanatical evangelists, he is actually just a pervert using his status to get teenagers into the sack. (Sounds like this guy is the director's alter-ego.) His taste for young flesh compels him to prey on David's girl friends, Elizabeth and Sarah, and even hinting at some pederasty with his friend Joshua (played by Shan Elliot, the prettiest man in the movie). When David's father tries to rape Sarah, David kills his father by stabbing him in the eye. As punishment, he gets crucified to a tree for a few days until his loyal friends cut him down and flee the caves.
The small band trek across empty grass land until arriving at the ruins of Seattle, where they get caught in some kind of a sandstorm (doesn't that only happen in the desert?) and wake up clad in underwear in a biotech research lab that's been converted into some ultra-cool pad. There they are introduced to Neil and Judith, a 20th century couple who had been genetically enhanced to withstand injury and prevent aging. Over the next few hours, the hyper-repressed cavedwellers are taught how to skinny dip, get drunk, and get high on cocaine (which airhead Neil somehow learned how to grow and process from the cocoa plant). All the teenagers take part eagerly, except for David and Sarah, who retreat to an isolated room to fall asleep in peace. Then the remaining kids are taught how to have sex in a disturbing and uncomfortably long orgy scene. It reflects too well how the "first time" is awkward and... absurd. With the lack of any distinguishable dialog and the endless cackling laughter, this scene was probably completely ad-libbed by the actors. I'm sure it made for a fun-filled day of shooting.
While the cavekids think they have found their haven where they may do whatever they like, it turns out that that by having sex with them, Neil and Judith have infected the kids with their own genetic mutation. The first to morph is Elizabeth, whose body cannot handle the change and explodes while Neil and Judith look on. Later on, poor Joshua gets his chest ripped open by a jealous Neil who can't stand to hear boasts about doing his girlfriend. When David and Sarah catch on to the rouse, they plot to round up their remaining friends and escape Neil and Judith. Unfortunately, tom-boy Heather explodes before they can leave, the very unattractive Vincent has secretly changed and stops Sarah from running away, and David is tricked into having sex with Judith who disguises herself as Sarah. By this time, Neil and Judith have discovered how to keep the body from self-destructing and David survives the change. When he is told to infect Sarah, he distracts Judith, allowing Sarah to run away again, only to be tracked down by Vincent, who tries to rape her (how many times does this girl have to be sexually assaulted?) but then has his head ripped off clean by Neil. She gets dragged back to the lab to be changed, where David presents Judith with Vincent's decapitated head. Judith, who actually grew to love the unlikable Vincent, gets into a heated argument with Neil while David and Sarah make a run for it. Neil, with his bad temper and pent-up sexual frustration after being denied sex for 20 years, ends up ripping Judith's heart from her chest, then sinks to his knees crying over her corpse in some gross overacting.
Neil changes into a monster that looks like The Leprachaun and goes after David... by hanging him. Sarah runs up and hits him (like a girl) with a baseball bat, then runs away screaming the most ridiculous line in the movie: "You're a looner!" (whatever the hell that means) Eventually, David kills Neil and tells Sarah to go back to the tribe, telling her that if they stay together, she might die. She refuses, and has sex with him anyway. The next thing we see is David standing before his astonished ex-tribe in the gayest outfit ever assembled announcing that he is "taking the kids." We never know what becomes of Sarah, but we can only guess that she died laughing after seeing what David was wearing.