Surival Island ranks among the moments that our young 21st Century needs to put behind it, ranking somewhere on the list between Natalee Holloway and Nickelback. As a collective society, it is our duty to try and learn from these mistakes and move on. What were the mistakes within this film that our society needs to correct in future releases? As an American, I felt this was my duty to my country, nay, the human race itself, to suffer through this visual cancer and glean from it what I could. All I got was a searing pain in my pancreas and 80 minutes off my life.
When I popped this soon-to-be-coaster-on-my-coffee-table DVD into my DVD player, I was hoping maybe that Pinata was the name of the island, or some kind of deep, entrancing metaphor. No, my prayers were unanswered. The villain of this film is a demonic piñata in the most literal form. As I watched the film, I couldn't help but wonder the inspiration behind it, despite the unnecessary and prolonged exposition detailing the creation of our Aztec/Maya/other Central American tribal piñata demon. Do our brilliant directors have a phobia from childhood they feel a need to unleash upon an unfortunate public? Apparently so.
The characters were laughably foolish college students with nothing in mind but alcohol and sex. When they discover the sin-filled piñata, they do what any logical human being would do, attempt to open it and consume the alcoholic beverages they expect to pour from its ceramic interior. Logical, yes? At this point, the evil is unleashed, and the pygmy-like creature goes on a rampage across the island. For some inexplicable reason, it transforms into a demonic, frightening and dangerous beast while traveling, but when attacking, it reverts to its non-threatening, pygmy state. Even by completely suspending my belief, nearly every plot detail of this film was utterly laughable. However, unlike most comedy-gold-horror films, this one was lost my attention and like a plague victim had me begging for the end.
This film left me asking one question over and over like a battered Nancy Kerrigan: WHY? Why would anyone find this remotely frightening? Why would anyone agree to star in this film? (A midget-piñata on a bloody rampage? This sounds like a winner!) Why would anyone want to write this? Why were the characters motivated to behave as foolishly as they did? Why is this on DVD while so many great films are not? Why had I just sat still for an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back to watch this? Do yourself a favor, donate the $5 you would blow renting/buying this to your local homeless shelter then go play some mini golf. It's a better way to spend your time, I assure you.
When I popped this soon-to-be-coaster-on-my-coffee-table DVD into my DVD player, I was hoping maybe that Pinata was the name of the island, or some kind of deep, entrancing metaphor. No, my prayers were unanswered. The villain of this film is a demonic piñata in the most literal form. As I watched the film, I couldn't help but wonder the inspiration behind it, despite the unnecessary and prolonged exposition detailing the creation of our Aztec/Maya/other Central American tribal piñata demon. Do our brilliant directors have a phobia from childhood they feel a need to unleash upon an unfortunate public? Apparently so.
The characters were laughably foolish college students with nothing in mind but alcohol and sex. When they discover the sin-filled piñata, they do what any logical human being would do, attempt to open it and consume the alcoholic beverages they expect to pour from its ceramic interior. Logical, yes? At this point, the evil is unleashed, and the pygmy-like creature goes on a rampage across the island. For some inexplicable reason, it transforms into a demonic, frightening and dangerous beast while traveling, but when attacking, it reverts to its non-threatening, pygmy state. Even by completely suspending my belief, nearly every plot detail of this film was utterly laughable. However, unlike most comedy-gold-horror films, this one was lost my attention and like a plague victim had me begging for the end.
This film left me asking one question over and over like a battered Nancy Kerrigan: WHY? Why would anyone find this remotely frightening? Why would anyone agree to star in this film? (A midget-piñata on a bloody rampage? This sounds like a winner!) Why would anyone want to write this? Why were the characters motivated to behave as foolishly as they did? Why is this on DVD while so many great films are not? Why had I just sat still for an hour and a half of my life that I will never get back to watch this? Do yourself a favor, donate the $5 you would blow renting/buying this to your local homeless shelter then go play some mini golf. It's a better way to spend your time, I assure you.