Review of Hide and Go Shriek

BIG spoilers, but you shouldn't care... Skip Schoolnik's Hide and Go Shriek is a strong contender for the price of absolute WORST slasher-movie of the 80's. Simply every aspect of this is film is very wrong and downright pathetic, which makes it all the more surprising to see that all my fellow reviewers on this site are so mild in their opinions! This thing is hopeless right from the start, with the introduction of the most insufferable ensemble cast ever! These teenagers don't only look stupid; their personalities don't make the slightest bit of sense. First we see two males in a gym, weightlifting and driveling about graduation parties. Okay, they're standard high-school jocks that act tough and talk dirty, it seems, but instead they're total wimps! One of them constantly tells his virgin girlfriend that it's OK to wait with sex until she's ready and the other one is terrified to mess up his daddy's furniture warehouse. The next male that gets introduced is supposed to be the obligatory sex-addict, yet all he ever nags about is his 6$ haircut. The last male looks like a typical dork, and you expect the others to pick on him, but no, he's actually part of the team! The same goes for all the girls. Judging by their looks and exhibitionist-tendencies, you're expecting a troop of sluts and bimbos, right? Wrong again, because these ladies talk about how sacred marriage is and they're even giving away their own sexy lingerie to a chubbier girl so that she's more likely to have sex with the aforementioned dork. What kind of teenagers are they? The stupidity of these youngsters is made complete when it turns out they have their very own friendship dance-ritual to Aerosmith's "Walk this Way". The gang has finally finished high school and they plan a wild celebration in the furniture store owned by John's dad. Their idea of a graduation party is – get this - to play hide & seek! How old are they, twelve?? After the game, and ignoring the fact some of them already vanished, they all have dinner together and go to bed early. I stand corrected; they're actually seven years old… Then, of course, there's the homicidal maniac who – thank God – consistently murders our teenagers one by one. The death sequences are the only redeeming moments and you should enjoy the elevator-decapitation scene as much as you possibly can because the denouement is totally retarded again. Naturally I'm not going to blab the killer's identity here, but you better prepare yourself for the most retarded…incompetent…implausible…ludicrous…craziest ending in low-budget horror EVER! One of the many reasons why 80's slashers are so popular is because you can participate in guessing who the killer is. You simply can't do that here and people who carefully paid attention to every small detail will feel cheated and furious. Total laugh-riot.