Review of Face of the Screaming Werewolf

Well, this was a fabulous as might be expected. A true mess featuring footage stitched together from two other movies, an Aztec Mummy movie and a werewolf movie. It starts with footage from the Aztec Mummy- loooooog, sloooooow footage. As the hardy band of adventurers eventually dodge all the flashbacks and enter the tomb, they cut in a shot of Lon Chaney in bad mummy makeup (his face is just done in white makeup). Then la momia azteca blunders in and is quickly overcome by a flashlight and a plywood sigil-thingy (the flashlight in the eyes caused him to scream and stagger back. Then a scientist throws the plywood sigil-thingy which knocks him over.) Fast cut to a press conference where they announce that two mummies were actually found (not shown). Here's where the werewolf movie footage kicks in. The scientists take the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing to a lab where they proceed to put him into what looks like a large pants press and then some sort of mummyfuge twirly tube thing. The result is the white makeup all falls off and behold—Lawrence Talbot! Then late that night he wakes up and goes to the window where he faces the moon and turns into the werewolf. His first victim is one of the scientists. The Mummy-Werewolf-Thing grabs the scientist from behind, and (from the evidence of a close-up of the victim's face after), apparently yanks his nose until it bleeds. Then just when you wonder how in the world anyone's nose will be safe from this unstoppable horror, the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing clutches his chest like he has bad heartburn and topples over. Later he wakes up and kills another scientist, this time while the scientist's colleague looks on without lifting a finger to help his friend. Once the victim is dead, the peeper overcomes the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing with the time-honored, all-purpose flashlight-in-the-eyes gambit. He locks the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing up and the plot sort of shambles back into the Aztec Mummy movie. Ole Popica hisself is now seen entering the house of the pretty broad from the Aztec Mummy movie. Apparently she has a cute little girl and apparently they gave the little girl a 3,000 year old solid gold Aztec breastplate to use as a teddy bear. Ole Popica carefully extracts the breastplate from the little girl without waking her, then stomps in to carry off the mother (no further sign of the breastplate). They walk right down the middle of a highway and get run over (not shown). Thus endeth the momia azteca portion of the show. Now back to the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing who is stalking around the city at night looking for noses to yank. Eventually, after climbing things and slinking around awhile, there is the big showdown scene. Once more, just when you thought no nose can escape the yanking horror of the Mummy-Werewolf-Thing, he clutches his chest and falls down, turning back into human form. At this point his clothes catch fire, and two policemen show up. The police stand around watching the guy burn up while making "ironic" comments like "All this fuss about a werewolf and turns out he's just a man." Just a man on fire and burning horribly right in front of your unyanked noses. One of the cops then looks at his watch and starts writing in a notepad. End of movie. Joy.