Review of Heavy Metal

Heavy Metal (1981)
9/10
Took me 25 years to see it...
19 December 2006
...and I'm damned glad I did.

I slapped on headphones and put the DVD in the Macbook and set sail for a better time's stony realms...I read comments saying "If only this movie were made now, it would be so much better, blah blah blah," and that's the biggest crock of horsesh*t I've ever heard. If it were made now, it would be slicker than slick, void of soul, with the wretched music of our age providing the soundtrack. Heavy Metal circa 1981 has the texture and imperfect beauty that sustaining, lasting art must possess; think Miles Davis' Bi*ches Brew or Sketches of Spain, or the Rolling Stones' Exile on Main Street - that's where Heavy Metal lives. It's not perfect, parts of it are quite flawed, but as a whole, even the flaws are beautiful gems to behold, and I tell you, for every voice barking on about Heavy Metal's flaws being too much to take, I say this: you take your Saw and remakes of Texas Chainsaw and The Omen and whatever else your fetid college brains latch onto as broken things that need fixing, and we'll take Heavy Metal and the original versions of the horror movies mentioned and be artistically far richer. But you're not after richness in art, are you? You're after eye-candy and digitally rendered starscapes, aren't you? Yes, you are. And you're beggars with moldy bread because of it.

Heavy Metal is a classic, and I'll be first to admit that it's got problems, but believe it or not, problems sometimes add to a classic's being considered a classic in the first place. Exhibit A: Heavy Metal. Watch, listen and learn, youngsters.
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