Well. . .
I'm watching Hatchet.
And. . .
Eh.
The opening scene is funny. Robert Englund & Josh Leonard are a good cameo combo for horror fans. I've been a fan of Leonard since Blair Witch. . . but my respect for him grew after Madhouse (one of the best S2V horror flicks I've seen in a long, long time).
Cliché alert #1: The gay-bashing father of the somewhat cowardly son is a bit overdone. And eventually it grows old. After the 500th time we see it in a film.
Though we don't see Englund's death, we can assume it's pretty grisly due to the rather serious. . . gutting. . . that he's received. But we don't hear it? Not sure why. I'm pretty sure if I was being split open from neck to groin, I'd be making some sounds, even if it was just "splat splat gurgle." Now, we're on Bourbon Street. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand boobs. Some more boobs. There's some boobs. Couple more boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, fat chicks' boobs.
Cliché Alert #2: The male lead recovering from a break-up. Could he possibly be meeting a rather cute, but mysterious, girl? I'll take the bet that it's a damn good possibility.
I like this guy (Joel Moore) though. He made me laugh in Grandma's Boy, Dodgeball, etc., as the pathetically ugly loser.
And here's the plot: midnight tour of the bayou. C'mon. You're just asking for trouble! Sounds like fun though.
Another nice cameo: Tony Todd, made famous in Candyman.
Little bit of humour from him.
New shop.
More boobs.
Cliché Alert #3: Hot dumb blonde! Well. . . somewhat attractive in that dumb-blonde kinda way.
And we have our cast: The annoying tour guide. The perverted. . . director, I guess? The dumb blonde. The somewhat intelligent, failing actress. . . too hot to be taken seriously as an actress. The old guy (aka Tom Smykowski from Office Space ("It's a jump-to-conclusions mat!")). His wife. Our two main characters (the shy, heartbroken guy and the token black guy). Aaaaaaand: Cliché Alert #4: It's the beautiful, but mysterious, possible love interest for our shy, heartbroken main character! Gotta love the 1930s stagecoach music.
Ohhh, the older woman is from Madhouse as well. Cool.
Heyyy, more boobs. Can't complain.
Cliché Alert #4: Gotta have the non-starting vehicle. This time, it's boat.
Cliché Alert #5: Crazy old man! I started a threat to vote for the favourite in horror history. This guy might take the cake just for drinking his own urine.
Ah, the legend: Victor Crowley, murdered by his father, was a deformed mutant who apparently lived on the bayou.
The tribe has now been stranded in the bayou, boatless, phoneless. . . hatless. The Croc attack was pretty well done. Enough suspense and pace actually got a jock.
Cliché Alert #6: Damn cell phones! The door was on fire? And that's why he couldn't kick it in? Does that not make sense to anyone else? Does fire turn rotting wood into like. . . steel or something? At least the flashback tale is a good story for revenge. But wouldn't the father be the one looking for revenge? Not the kid? But it makes sense. . . Kane Hodder just loves to play the disfigured youth hellbent on vengeance by murdering the locals (Jason Voorhees, anyone?) Couple grisly deaths but the fX were a little hokey. Still sick though.
Cliché Alert #7: Killer can't be killed. Surprise! Question: What modern cell phones don't have emergency 911 service without reception? I've had four cell phones over the past few years and, even if I had 0 service, emergency calls were still possible. *sigh* Wow. . . mysterious girl is a good crier. Impressed.
This bush-staring scene might just be the worst scene I've ever seen in a movie. Ever.
But. . . HELL YES. Paid off with a couple extreme murders. Nice. Very nice.
Another cool death, but not all that original. Poor Token.
Cliché Alert #8: Final survivors. Enough said.
Cliché Alert #9: Taken directly from Friday the 13th. . . the boat scene.
The deaths were good. . . which is what you look for in a film like this.
The acting wasn't bad. There were actually the few recognizable faces which is always a good move for a movie like this. Give a reason for us to actually sit through it.
The movie held my attention to the end. That says a lot for a movie like this. A whole lot.
But It's nothing special.
5/10. But it's not going to be the almighty influence on the slasher genre like so many people have been saying.
I'm watching Hatchet.
And. . .
Eh.
The opening scene is funny. Robert Englund & Josh Leonard are a good cameo combo for horror fans. I've been a fan of Leonard since Blair Witch. . . but my respect for him grew after Madhouse (one of the best S2V horror flicks I've seen in a long, long time).
Cliché alert #1: The gay-bashing father of the somewhat cowardly son is a bit overdone. And eventually it grows old. After the 500th time we see it in a film.
Though we don't see Englund's death, we can assume it's pretty grisly due to the rather serious. . . gutting. . . that he's received. But we don't hear it? Not sure why. I'm pretty sure if I was being split open from neck to groin, I'd be making some sounds, even if it was just "splat splat gurgle." Now, we're on Bourbon Street. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand boobs. Some more boobs. There's some boobs. Couple more boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, fat chicks' boobs.
Cliché Alert #2: The male lead recovering from a break-up. Could he possibly be meeting a rather cute, but mysterious, girl? I'll take the bet that it's a damn good possibility.
I like this guy (Joel Moore) though. He made me laugh in Grandma's Boy, Dodgeball, etc., as the pathetically ugly loser.
And here's the plot: midnight tour of the bayou. C'mon. You're just asking for trouble! Sounds like fun though.
Another nice cameo: Tony Todd, made famous in Candyman.
Little bit of humour from him.
New shop.
More boobs.
Cliché Alert #3: Hot dumb blonde! Well. . . somewhat attractive in that dumb-blonde kinda way.
And we have our cast: The annoying tour guide. The perverted. . . director, I guess? The dumb blonde. The somewhat intelligent, failing actress. . . too hot to be taken seriously as an actress. The old guy (aka Tom Smykowski from Office Space ("It's a jump-to-conclusions mat!")). His wife. Our two main characters (the shy, heartbroken guy and the token black guy). Aaaaaaand: Cliché Alert #4: It's the beautiful, but mysterious, possible love interest for our shy, heartbroken main character! Gotta love the 1930s stagecoach music.
Ohhh, the older woman is from Madhouse as well. Cool.
Heyyy, more boobs. Can't complain.
Cliché Alert #4: Gotta have the non-starting vehicle. This time, it's boat.
Cliché Alert #5: Crazy old man! I started a threat to vote for the favourite in horror history. This guy might take the cake just for drinking his own urine.
Ah, the legend: Victor Crowley, murdered by his father, was a deformed mutant who apparently lived on the bayou.
The tribe has now been stranded in the bayou, boatless, phoneless. . . hatless. The Croc attack was pretty well done. Enough suspense and pace actually got a jock.
Cliché Alert #6: Damn cell phones! The door was on fire? And that's why he couldn't kick it in? Does that not make sense to anyone else? Does fire turn rotting wood into like. . . steel or something? At least the flashback tale is a good story for revenge. But wouldn't the father be the one looking for revenge? Not the kid? But it makes sense. . . Kane Hodder just loves to play the disfigured youth hellbent on vengeance by murdering the locals (Jason Voorhees, anyone?) Couple grisly deaths but the fX were a little hokey. Still sick though.
Cliché Alert #7: Killer can't be killed. Surprise! Question: What modern cell phones don't have emergency 911 service without reception? I've had four cell phones over the past few years and, even if I had 0 service, emergency calls were still possible. *sigh* Wow. . . mysterious girl is a good crier. Impressed.
This bush-staring scene might just be the worst scene I've ever seen in a movie. Ever.
But. . . HELL YES. Paid off with a couple extreme murders. Nice. Very nice.
Another cool death, but not all that original. Poor Token.
Cliché Alert #8: Final survivors. Enough said.
Cliché Alert #9: Taken directly from Friday the 13th. . . the boat scene.
- - - It's over. Finally. I'm aware that the film was made as an homage to the 80s-style slashers. But it didn't need to steal directly from them.
The deaths were good. . . which is what you look for in a film like this.
The acting wasn't bad. There were actually the few recognizable faces which is always a good move for a movie like this. Give a reason for us to actually sit through it.
The movie held my attention to the end. That says a lot for a movie like this. A whole lot.
But It's nothing special.
5/10. But it's not going to be the almighty influence on the slasher genre like so many people have been saying.