I don't like the WWE. I find it more than vaguely homoerotic, which is fine for something like Fight Club, but in a setting of 4 or 5 weekly brawl-fests, it is just boring if not mind numbing. That said, I absolutely adore WWE Films. They reach a certain absurd level of "bestworst" where eye sockets are urinated in, and porn stars direct real movies, and that was only in their first release.
The Marine tries to one up "See No Evil" (the aforementioned first release) and in some levels it does. It is far more absurd, and even less plausible as a "real" movie and twists wildly between over the top action and slap stick comedy in a manner that would make a dada master proud. Of course, to call it dada would be to over estimate this movie's intelligence and potential.
The plot of "The Marine" is as follows; John Cena is fired from the Marine corps for doing his job. Robert Patrick steals some diamonds. Then, through a use Deus Ex Machina, Cena chases Patrick through a swamp, filled with explosives. and everything is explosive in this swamp. Gas stations go up like Hiroshima. Brick walls explode on contact. The only things that don't explode are the villains. (Something the WWE has rectified in their next film, a knock off of Battle Royale starring Stone Cold Steve Austin called "The Condemned".) The acting is of course terrible and, when it gets down to it, John Cena is scarier looking than Kane. The veins on his neck are thicker than my forearms and he has worked out to the point where he no carries human proportions. If you've ever seen wrestling action figures you know how they are proportioned like the Mohawk-ed villain of a cyberpunk. Well, in Cena's case, that is no exaggeration. Seriously, next time they make an adaptation of "Frankenstein" they should paint the guy gray and let him loose. Though, they might want to give him acting lessons first, because he is a bit too stiff to play a reanimated corpse.
The Marine is not a good movie. Not by a long shot. If you want a good movie avoid this film. There is nothing witty, nothing under the surface and nothing approaching cohesiveness in the product. However, it is a tremendously fun trashy little action thriller. There is an explosion per minute ratio of 1:8, roughly, and on ongoing joke about sexual abuse caused by rock candy. Also, Robert Patrick has a lot of fun with a terrible role and in the best directorial decision of the decade, Kelly Carlson spends most of the movie knocked out and being carried over someone shoulder, giving us a brilliant look at her bent over in ridiculously tight jeans.
If any of that interests you, you'll probably like the film. And if you want a new drinking game movie, this is a prime candidate. The Marine is trash. But you know that already. If you think it will entertain you, it probably will.
The Marine tries to one up "See No Evil" (the aforementioned first release) and in some levels it does. It is far more absurd, and even less plausible as a "real" movie and twists wildly between over the top action and slap stick comedy in a manner that would make a dada master proud. Of course, to call it dada would be to over estimate this movie's intelligence and potential.
The plot of "The Marine" is as follows; John Cena is fired from the Marine corps for doing his job. Robert Patrick steals some diamonds. Then, through a use Deus Ex Machina, Cena chases Patrick through a swamp, filled with explosives. and everything is explosive in this swamp. Gas stations go up like Hiroshima. Brick walls explode on contact. The only things that don't explode are the villains. (Something the WWE has rectified in their next film, a knock off of Battle Royale starring Stone Cold Steve Austin called "The Condemned".) The acting is of course terrible and, when it gets down to it, John Cena is scarier looking than Kane. The veins on his neck are thicker than my forearms and he has worked out to the point where he no carries human proportions. If you've ever seen wrestling action figures you know how they are proportioned like the Mohawk-ed villain of a cyberpunk. Well, in Cena's case, that is no exaggeration. Seriously, next time they make an adaptation of "Frankenstein" they should paint the guy gray and let him loose. Though, they might want to give him acting lessons first, because he is a bit too stiff to play a reanimated corpse.
The Marine is not a good movie. Not by a long shot. If you want a good movie avoid this film. There is nothing witty, nothing under the surface and nothing approaching cohesiveness in the product. However, it is a tremendously fun trashy little action thriller. There is an explosion per minute ratio of 1:8, roughly, and on ongoing joke about sexual abuse caused by rock candy. Also, Robert Patrick has a lot of fun with a terrible role and in the best directorial decision of the decade, Kelly Carlson spends most of the movie knocked out and being carried over someone shoulder, giving us a brilliant look at her bent over in ridiculously tight jeans.
If any of that interests you, you'll probably like the film. And if you want a new drinking game movie, this is a prime candidate. The Marine is trash. But you know that already. If you think it will entertain you, it probably will.