What I learned from watching British sex comedies
31 January 2009
I've only been to Britain a few times, but I've learned some very interesting things about the country from watching British sex comedies. This movie is about a doctor who, as a sperm donor in his college years, proved to be incredibly virile fathering 837 children all of whom (somehow) were boys with genius I.Q.s. When he is outed by the press, crazed women with test tubes start chasing him everywhere he goes wanting his, uh, donation. I had no idea that women in Britain were would be so anxious to have a child with a total stranger just because there was a 100 percent chance of it being a boy as opposed to say a mere 50 percent chance (maybe this would have been more believable if it was set in communist China during the one-child-per-family years). But there's no point in complaining that the plot of a goofball British sex comedy doesn't make a lick of sense--they rarely do.

The bigger problem with this, like with a lot of British sex comedies, is that there's not really enough sex and WAY too much alleged "comedy".(Just to give you an idea of the level of humor here, our hero at one point comes across a nubile, underdressed woman up in a tree straddling a branch. "My pussy is stuck!" she tells him. But, of course, she's referring to her cat who's up in the tree above her---ha! ha! ha! sigh. . ) The doctor here spends most of his time fighting off various naked women, instead taking advantage of this ridiculous situation like any normal guy surely would, because, you see, he is really in love with the beautiful female scientist who inadvertently outed him. (I was surprised once again to find out that British men were so faithful and monogamous).

The movie does feature two famous British sex starlets of the era, Mary Millington and Anna Bergman, but they have only about a minute of screen time between them. And it's certainly not because the other actors are so much more talented--at one point our hero gets kidnapped by a "Texan"(who wants him to impregnate his daughter), who is played by an actor with the WORST Texas accent in the history of bad Texas accents. Probably the most incredible thing about this though is that a title song is a rendition of the very famous Motown song "Hold On, I'm Coming" (get it--"I'm coming"?--ha! ha! groan. . .). I hope they at least got a nice royalty check for this.
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