Anacondas: Trail of Blood takes place in the Carpathian Mountains in Eastern Europe, though it looks suspiciously similar to my parents' backyard. I never noticed a film crew back there, but I wasn't over every day, so I can neither confirm nor deny that Anacondas: Trail of Blood was filmed in residential Matthews, NC, but let's start that rumor anyway, okay? The plot involves a crackpot doctor who is cultivating the mythical blood orchid in a isolated shack where he experiments with snakes. The doc's magic blood orchid serum is capable of making snakes grow exponentially and cure cancer, which is why eccentric billionaire John Rhys-Davies, mere days from dying from bone cancer, finances him. The doc is sadly the first victim of his pet anaconda when it breaks loose, and the rampage begins.
Shortly thereafter, a myriad of disparate stories descend on the poor Carpathian Mountains, which never did anything to anyone.
First there's the team of mercenaries sent to retrieve the serum at all costs. Second there's a team of paleontologists going to the area to check on another team that went missing. Third, there's a hiker kid who looks like a younger version of Owen Wilson, without all the muscle mass and machismo that Mr. Wilson brings to the screen, who is in the area visiting his grandmother. Mini-Wilson runs into the fourth set of characters, a team led by the heroine from the previous Anacondas, Amanda (Crystal Allen) who is allegedly trying to destroy the magic blood orchid juice to redeem herself from her sins in the last movie. I honestly don't remember the movie well enough to be sure of what those sins were, but I do recall she killed David Hasselhoff's character, which is inarguably a sin deserving proper penance. Amanda must say three hail marys and appear in five more Sci-Fi Channel original movies.
For the duration of the film, characters manage to successfully outrun the hundred foot snakes. Yet, for some reason, two characters make noble sacrifices to delay a rampaging anaconda for their comrades. Though it is possible the snake was just being sporting, because in the thrilling conclusion an anaconda is able to outpace a CAR.
One locale that plays an important rule in the skulduggery is an abandoned mine shaft lined with fully functioning and operational lightbulbs, though the characters sneaking inside it feel compelled to wave flashlights around anyway. I remind you this is in the middle of the remote reaches of the mountains in Easter Europe where there is no town or discernible source of electricity. This is impressive to me because in my townhouse right now there are two lightbulbs that are out, which I simply haven't gotten around to. Perhaps if General Electric made lightbulbs half as efficient as Acme's Carpathian Mountains Lightbulb Co. -- that run eternally without electricity -- they wouldn't be in the dire straights they're in.
Bottom line: This is one of those so-bad-it's good movies.
Daniel J. Roos film.ispwn.com
Shortly thereafter, a myriad of disparate stories descend on the poor Carpathian Mountains, which never did anything to anyone.
First there's the team of mercenaries sent to retrieve the serum at all costs. Second there's a team of paleontologists going to the area to check on another team that went missing. Third, there's a hiker kid who looks like a younger version of Owen Wilson, without all the muscle mass and machismo that Mr. Wilson brings to the screen, who is in the area visiting his grandmother. Mini-Wilson runs into the fourth set of characters, a team led by the heroine from the previous Anacondas, Amanda (Crystal Allen) who is allegedly trying to destroy the magic blood orchid juice to redeem herself from her sins in the last movie. I honestly don't remember the movie well enough to be sure of what those sins were, but I do recall she killed David Hasselhoff's character, which is inarguably a sin deserving proper penance. Amanda must say three hail marys and appear in five more Sci-Fi Channel original movies.
For the duration of the film, characters manage to successfully outrun the hundred foot snakes. Yet, for some reason, two characters make noble sacrifices to delay a rampaging anaconda for their comrades. Though it is possible the snake was just being sporting, because in the thrilling conclusion an anaconda is able to outpace a CAR.
One locale that plays an important rule in the skulduggery is an abandoned mine shaft lined with fully functioning and operational lightbulbs, though the characters sneaking inside it feel compelled to wave flashlights around anyway. I remind you this is in the middle of the remote reaches of the mountains in Easter Europe where there is no town or discernible source of electricity. This is impressive to me because in my townhouse right now there are two lightbulbs that are out, which I simply haven't gotten around to. Perhaps if General Electric made lightbulbs half as efficient as Acme's Carpathian Mountains Lightbulb Co. -- that run eternally without electricity -- they wouldn't be in the dire straights they're in.
Bottom line: This is one of those so-bad-it's good movies.
Daniel J. Roos film.ispwn.com