The Prisoner (2009)
3/10
"My head is confused with confusion!" Hey, 16 said it, not me!
16 November 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Actual quote from this new version of the old cult classic, The Prisoner. I have to agree with 16, which says this horribly written line. It is hard to pinpoint the main reason this is all wrong. I could be obvious and say, well, it is a remake. Sure, but it doesn't seem to stop the film empire from spitting out more badly made remakes. So let me give other reasons.

First, it has none of the charisma or style of the original, all the while espousing that it is "deeper" than the original Prisoner. Upon watching the first two hours, it isn't that much deeper. Long shoots of the desert, lame dialog, lack of mystery and stealing from movies like Dark City isn't deeper by a long shot. Second, it has none of the spy fun of the original. It is just a bunch of tired old clichés and stolen ideas. Obviously, the Number Two will stay the same within the whole series, destroying the idea that Number Two can be taken out at will by the Village. And though I like Ian McKellen, he can't save this project by himself and his comments about the old series being camp and not great, just are laughable in the face of this dog of a show.

The writing is bad (see my headline), the acting is also bad, the plot line isn't like the original Prisoner at all. They might as well wrote a completely new show and made it like Lost instead of this. I don't get why people take an idea and then pick away at it so only 93 in an original black and white Prisoner blazer and Rover remain.

It's original ideas, like incorporating families into the Village, aren't really good. I always thought it was nice not to have kids in the Village as to play up that only spies were there. And Six isn't a spy here, he is an analysis, which I guess is as close to being a spy the new version wanted to touch and it is a shame because it could have had some high tech gadgets in there. Even Number Six's cool car has been replaced by a bus! Super lame! The fun of The Prisoner was spy camp, the Village people acting strangely cheery and things like Number Two's underground viewing chamber, which is missing here, replaced by Number Two looking into a clear glass while his son looks blankly into the camera for the zillionth time downstairs. The clear towers are vaguely like the Twin Tower and yes, there is also a terrorist subplot that reminded me of Brazil.

Anyway, it isn't anything I haven't seen before that was done better. I doubt I'll watch the rest of this. I gave it a shot because I didn't want to denounce it only because I love the original Prisoner. I tried to watch it like it wasn't a remake to be neutral, but it didn't work.

I won't be seeing you, bad Prisoner remake. I won't be seeing you.
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