Review of Plankton

Five teenagers -- bespectacled nerd Mike (Clay Rogers), his sweet fiancé Margaret (pretty brunette Sharon Twomey), obnoxious toolbox Bobby (Michael Bon), busty babe Julie (foxy blonde Ann Wolf), and her equally sexy sister Dorothy (fetching Laura di Palma) -- embark on a boating trip and wind up becoming seriously lost after they run afoul of a fierce storm. The quintet stumble across an abandoned yacht in the middle of the ocean with a mysterious biology lab on board it. Next thing you know the kids are being attacked by ferocious mutated prehistoric fish. Will any of them survive this harrowing ordeal? Boy, does this immensely messed-up movie possess all the right wrong stuff to qualify as a deliciously cheesy and often uproarious four-star stinkeroonie: simply atrocious (non)acting from a lame no-name cast, a totally ridiculous script that blatantly rips off such classic fright films as "Piranha," the '82 "The Thing" remake, and "The Evil Dead," hilariously horrendous dubbing, hopelessly inept (mis)direction, zero tension or creepy atmosphere, oodles of gross graphic gore (watch out for an especially revolting upchuck scene), insipid cardboard characters, cruddy (far from) special effects, laughably dumb dialogue ("Look, it's full of clothes," exclaims one gal after opening a closet), a generic hum'n'shiver synthesizer score, an insanely over-the-top conclusion, and, best of all, a gloriously tasteless scene in which Bobby transforms into a grotesque humanoid fishman beast while in the middle of doing just what you think with Julie. As a nice added bonus, both Wolf and di Palma spend the entire film wearing skimpy bikinis or less. "This is all absurd," Mike proclaims at one point in the picture -- and indeed that's exactly why this sublimely tacky trash rates highly as a completely sidesplitting unintentional laugh riot from start to finish.