5/10
I Was There!
9 December 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This movie featured the monster tennis match between Godzilla (Giant, mutant lizard with atomic breath capability), and Ebirah (Giant, mutant shrimp with ability to annoy). I was there, reporting this epic match for KOOK TV (channel 5). Here is the play by play as I called it back in 1966.

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Having just been awoken from a sound slumber by some blatantly prearranged lightning strikes, Godzilla came storming out of the side of a mountain, understandably ticked off. The big guy spotted Ebirah just a few thousand yards out at sea, and blamed him, incorrectly, for the whole incident (Note: Ebirah is known for his prank of putting sleeping, giant monsters hands into bowls of warm water. This has not endeared him to the other monsters).

Godzilla kicked up a huge boulder for his first serve. A high, hard, straight shot, right at Ebirah's head. Ebirah, looking intent, shot the boulder back with a right backclaw smash. Godzilla caught this and fired it back with a crisp two-handed throw. Ebirah tried another backclaw return, but it went off the edge of his claw and the boulder went wide and out to sea, almost hitting two Japanese spectators inexplicably swimming out at sea during a raging storm. Point Godzilla.

Ebirah started taunting his opponent by clapping his claws together, and Godzilla (never one to let a challenge go unmet) picked up another boulder and fired a mighty two-handed serve. Ebirah returned this with another hard backclaw. Goddy returned with a well aimed head butt. Ebirah, another backclaw. Goddy, a head butt. This looked like it was going to be a good volley. Alas, Ebie, caught this with his claw, in blatant disregard for the rules of monster tennis (Rules section 981(c), subsection iii, which states, "no sea monsters can catch boulders with their claws").

Ebie wound up and fired a hard one at Goddy, and the now enraged lizard backhanded this one away and into the stands, killing untold numbers of spectators. An angry Godzilla then waded out to sea to register a complaint, but Ebirah splashed him twice with his mighty right claw. This so infuriated Godzilla that he gave Ebirah a taste of his atomic breath as punishment. Or, maybe he just wanted some shrimp tempura. Hard to tell. (Godzilla refused all requests for interviews after the match.)

At this point a monster mêlée broke out as the two giants went at it hammer and tongs. Godzilla grabbed another boulder and started pounding Ebirah on the head. Ebirah punked out and swam off to sea. Godzilla threw up his arms and let out a huge roar of triumph, but this match went down in the record books as a double disqualification.

NOTE: Ebirah showed up later in the day for a rematch, but since their first match, Godzilla had been attacked by a giant bird, fighter jets with missiles, been electrocuted and shot at with machine guns. He was in a foul humor, and in NO mood for Ebirah. A fight quickly ensued, which ended when Godzilla ripped off both of Ebirah's claws, which pretty much compelled Ebirah to quit the tournament.

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And that's the way it was, April 23, 1966. And I know because, I WAS THERE!
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