Review of Funky Monkey

Wow, just wow. It's weird how producers will create a movie without putting effort into it and some studio will accept the project without considering the potential of it, or lack thereof. So, I'm going to go ahead and summarize the whole movie for you: an intelligent, karate-chopping monkey is being used by a secret organization for evil, because hey, why do it the easy way with, you know, competent people, when you can go buy a monkey and train it for bad? But the monkey's karate-fighting trainer, played by the once-great actor Matthew Modine, breaks him out of his cage to save him and starts a new life near the beach. They also meet a new kid named Michael, who is played by Seth Adkins and gives an Oscar-worthy performance as a nerdy kid who can't get the girl (Or so he thinks! Hooray for foreshadowing!). And so they help him gain his confidence and even gives him a few tips on dating, because a martial-arts chimpanzee and his trainer are always the first things that come to mind when talking about dating. They even snag him a spot on the football team! But, OH NO! The bad guys are catching up with them at their house, but don't worry! It's only the two hilarious henchman that bring a barrel of laughs with them every time they do some clumsy antic, like picking up a burning piece of paper without realizing it and screaming! I near peed myself! It's funny because they could just drop the piece of paper and put it out, but where's the hilarity in that?! Ho ho, what a delightfully comical bunch of henchman! But meanwhile, Michael gets the girl of his dreams, all thanks to a bunch of confidence, perseverance, and most of all, teamwork! After all, he couldn't have done it without his friends, a monkey and his trainer! But then the movie takes a suspenseful turn when the monkey is kidnapped, and a scary doctor (Gilbert Gottfried, for some reason) hired by the evil organization is about to do horrible things to him! But I won't spoil the ending because I can tell you are about to jump up and go rent it this second. Oh hell, I can't help it, I just have to tell! They rescue the monkey, and all just in time for Michael's football game to impress his girlfriend! But uh oh! The henchman, their boss, and the other bad guys dress in football uniforms to go out onto the field and get the monkey, who is also playing on Michael's team (Gee, does that sound familiar? Maybe similar to that sports-playing retriever the Disney company has been capitalizing on for years?)! But don't worry, in a suspenseful action football fight, the good guys win! Whew, I was scared there for a second. And, that's pretty much it. But back in reality, what drug could possibly be strong enough to start the visions of one of the dumbest movies ever made? It has to exist, this movie is proof! Maybe the corporation thought making a movie with the coolest things in it would be a hit! Martial arts, evil organizations, gadgets, and monkeys, and you pretty much get what they obviously saw. Funky Monkey is one of the dumbest and most pointless movies I have ever seen. That's all there is to it.