"Blood Surf" (a.k.a. "Krocodylus") is one of those movies that you root for when you hear a plot description, because you are really hoping that this one will work. The basic idea is quite interesting. A new form of stunt television work, called Blood Surf, is created, in which surfers ride their boards through shark-infested waters. But instead of being chomped on by sharks, as we'd initially expect, they are hounded by a ferocious saltwater crocodile. Now that is a plot that we really want to go for. It sounds like a recipe for an enjoyable film. But alas, "Blood Surf" slam-dunks itself right into some foul water and sinks into the abysses because it suffers from the cinematic equivalence of schizophrenia. It has no idea what it should be, or more important, what it even wants to be.
A full hour ellipses by the time we really start on the plot with the crocodile and by that time, the tone of the movie has undergone a one hundred-eighty-degree turn. It's at this point that we realize that "Blood Surf" is really supposed be a comedy rather than a straight shocker. So naturally, we would expect the first two-thirds to be the funny, whimsical bits and the last part straight, gruesome, and serious in mind.
We would be wrong.
Instead, writers Sam Bernard and Robert L. Levy decided to idiotically reverse this. If the entire movie was to be funny, you wouldn't be able to tell from the first hour. It's all down in tone and imitates realism. Then, when the crocodile appears it throws up some of the most ridiculously stupid and unbelievable twists intended to spawn laughter. For example, the crocodile chases our heroes on land but won't chase them through a river because supposedly there's chocolate plants in the water and "salties hate them!" A character quips, "I guess that's what you call croc-teasing" and the scene ends quickly, leaving us with our mouths agape. Only no sound is coming out. But the movie's ultimately lowest point is a juxtaposition of an attack by the crocodile and the lamest, most pathetic, most pointless sex scene possibly in movie history. I have griped about that cheap gimmick many times, but this is the one time where I really think it becomes almost criminally stupid.
There are so many good ideas thrown shamefully to waste. The idea of blood surfing and then encountering a crocodile. The characters being captured by pirates. I was even willing to buy the redundant and monotonous subplot about the enraged, crusty sea captain wanting to hunt down the crocodile for revenge. Those are good ideas that are not developed well and this only increased by disdain for the movie. Performances, in general, are stiff but not awful, with only Ducan Regehr's being good enough to really be labeled acting. So lack of real talent in the cast does strike against it when it tries to be funny.
"Blood Surf" was directed by James D.R. Hickox, who made the pleasingly entertaining "Sabretooth" in 2002, so I was really hoping that this feature was going to realize its potential. But because of its lack of knowledge about itself and what it should go for, or what it even wants to go for, the picture collapses really hard and really fast. That great critic Gene Siskel once said that people should not remake classics, but bad movies, because any subject could be done well.
Let's utilize his philosophy here.
A full hour ellipses by the time we really start on the plot with the crocodile and by that time, the tone of the movie has undergone a one hundred-eighty-degree turn. It's at this point that we realize that "Blood Surf" is really supposed be a comedy rather than a straight shocker. So naturally, we would expect the first two-thirds to be the funny, whimsical bits and the last part straight, gruesome, and serious in mind.
We would be wrong.
Instead, writers Sam Bernard and Robert L. Levy decided to idiotically reverse this. If the entire movie was to be funny, you wouldn't be able to tell from the first hour. It's all down in tone and imitates realism. Then, when the crocodile appears it throws up some of the most ridiculously stupid and unbelievable twists intended to spawn laughter. For example, the crocodile chases our heroes on land but won't chase them through a river because supposedly there's chocolate plants in the water and "salties hate them!" A character quips, "I guess that's what you call croc-teasing" and the scene ends quickly, leaving us with our mouths agape. Only no sound is coming out. But the movie's ultimately lowest point is a juxtaposition of an attack by the crocodile and the lamest, most pathetic, most pointless sex scene possibly in movie history. I have griped about that cheap gimmick many times, but this is the one time where I really think it becomes almost criminally stupid.
There are so many good ideas thrown shamefully to waste. The idea of blood surfing and then encountering a crocodile. The characters being captured by pirates. I was even willing to buy the redundant and monotonous subplot about the enraged, crusty sea captain wanting to hunt down the crocodile for revenge. Those are good ideas that are not developed well and this only increased by disdain for the movie. Performances, in general, are stiff but not awful, with only Ducan Regehr's being good enough to really be labeled acting. So lack of real talent in the cast does strike against it when it tries to be funny.
"Blood Surf" was directed by James D.R. Hickox, who made the pleasingly entertaining "Sabretooth" in 2002, so I was really hoping that this feature was going to realize its potential. But because of its lack of knowledge about itself and what it should go for, or what it even wants to go for, the picture collapses really hard and really fast. That great critic Gene Siskel once said that people should not remake classics, but bad movies, because any subject could be done well.
Let's utilize his philosophy here.