Review of Evil Spawn

Evil Spawn (1987)
3/10
Spawn up your Life, with youth-microbes from Venus!
24 July 2011
Warning: Spoilers
Wow, I'm actually speechless … I have watched lots of awful horror movies in my life and I definitely know to keep my expectations low regarding late 80's low-budgeted monster movies – especially when the name Fred Olen Ray is even remotely involved – but still somehow I'm truly baffled about how inept and terrible "Evil Spawn" actually is! The best way to describe the film (if you can even call it that) is to label is a smutty and sleazy 80's remake of Roger Corman's "The Wasp Woman". Vain and arrogant actress Lynn Roman still considers herself as beautiful, young and successful, but her surrounding is slightly more realistic. Her agent can't find her any more roles, befriended directors prefer young brunettes and even her own husband sleeps with younger actresses. Luckily for Lynn, a totally bonkers female scientist comes to see her with a serum extracted from intergalactic Venus microbes that supposedly will make her appear younger again. Yes, seriously! The serum actually works, but not sufficiently and it doesn't help Lynn to obtain new roles. And thus, like any normal person would react, she injects copious amounts of serum into her veins and mutates into a gigantic alien bug creature that feeds on humans.

Sounds like a lot of brainless B-movie fun, doesn't it? Well it certainly is, but exclusively for people that are already familiar with the oeuvre/style of Fred Olen Ray and then still have an incredibly high tolerance lever for incompetence. The little intro video hosted by Olen Ray himself, known as the Night Owl Theater, already states clear that the man isn't really interested in good horror cinema, but merely in ugly monsters and especially naked women. It's particularly the retarded little details that make "Evil Spawn" such an amusing waste of 70 minutes. The film opens with images of a ridiculous looking spaceship, and yet the rest of the entire film takes place on earth. John Carradine, who looks more dead than alive, appears for approximately three minutes even though he receives top-billing on the DVD cover. He mumbles a couple of inaudible sentences and then literally drops dead in his seat. Several monster films of the 1980's have become genuine classics thanks to their marvelous transformation sequences. Like "An American Werewolf in London" for example. The transformation sequences in "Evil Spawn" are slightly less overwhelming. When Lynn injects herself with serum, she first receives a mouthful of ugly sharp teeth but then immediately changes into a full-grown and unidentifiable creature! It's harsh, but I more or less understand why this film didn't receive an Oscar nomination for the special effects. There's plentiful of gore and nudity, of course, quite often at the same time, like when the sexy brunette secretary gets eaten by the poolside and blood runs down over her butt-cheeks. The acting performances are horrible, although most of the cast members aren't all that inexperienced. Lead actress Bobbie Bresee appeared in a handful of B-movies, including "Mausoleum" and "Ghoulies", and furthermore there's Gordon Mitchell (who starred in literally hundreds of Italian flicks) and Jerry Fox. "Evil Spawn" is a lot of dumb fun, but I think everyone agrees the best thing about it is actually the DVD cover image.
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