WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS (THOUGH NOTHING CAN SPOIL THIS FILM MORE THAN ITS ARTLESS EXISTENCE IN THE FIRST PLACE)
Quite possibly the worst film I have ever watched in my 35 years of life, Shark Night 3D beats such classics as Demi Moore's 'Striptease' (barring the one scene that made that bearable, of course). The word derivative does not begin to describe it. The dialogue, plot, acting, effects and general direction is some of the most abysmal I have seen to the point that it seems as if various people involved with the film are competing to do the worst job imaginable. Unlike some reviewers, I don't even think it starts well. It's preposterous from the outset, dribbles through numerous lines of drivel and ends like a wet fart.
I found myself counting how many times something completely unlikely or discontinuous happened but lost count. Some of these lowlights include such things as sharks flying out of the water, sharks swimming just as fast as jet-skis, some bizarrely contrived plot involving a scorned love affair from years ago, the idea that people would pay some hillbillies to watch sharks eat people live on camera in a lake and a truly beyond-hilarious scene in which a one-armed man (whose limb has only just been bitten off in a previous scene) wades out waist-deep into a lake to goad a shark with a cattle-prod: a scene that would have been met with derisory parody way back in the 30s/40s when Tarzan was still wrestling with rubber crocodiles.
In my own humble opinion, however, it is the dialogue-writer who wins the award as it so accurately mirrors the pattern of writing that a slightly autistic 8-year-old boy who has just seen Jaws and some other horror b-movies might adopt. Congratulations to that person!
You would think that the 3D effects might save it as one of those 'so bad it's good and at least we get some comedy deaths and a bit of eye popping horror', right? Wrong. Besides random flying sharks, we get a moment in which mini-sharks eat a woman to death and some of them come at us quickly whilst they do so. This lacks any even mild shock or surprise value nor anything convincing, realistic-looking or genuinely horrific considering how predictable every step of the film is.
Seriously, Shark Night 3D may be rated a '15' but I think the intelligence of your average 15-year-old will be very, very insulted. I only watched this because, as a fan of horror, I wanted to know how bad horror films could be in this day and age. Now I know. They used to use the term 'straight to DVD' to describe bad movies, now it's 'straight to 3D'.
If anyone rates this film highly, it would be a good idea to go check out any other good reviews of theirs as a general guideline for what- not-to-watch.
Quite possibly the worst film I have ever watched in my 35 years of life, Shark Night 3D beats such classics as Demi Moore's 'Striptease' (barring the one scene that made that bearable, of course). The word derivative does not begin to describe it. The dialogue, plot, acting, effects and general direction is some of the most abysmal I have seen to the point that it seems as if various people involved with the film are competing to do the worst job imaginable. Unlike some reviewers, I don't even think it starts well. It's preposterous from the outset, dribbles through numerous lines of drivel and ends like a wet fart.
I found myself counting how many times something completely unlikely or discontinuous happened but lost count. Some of these lowlights include such things as sharks flying out of the water, sharks swimming just as fast as jet-skis, some bizarrely contrived plot involving a scorned love affair from years ago, the idea that people would pay some hillbillies to watch sharks eat people live on camera in a lake and a truly beyond-hilarious scene in which a one-armed man (whose limb has only just been bitten off in a previous scene) wades out waist-deep into a lake to goad a shark with a cattle-prod: a scene that would have been met with derisory parody way back in the 30s/40s when Tarzan was still wrestling with rubber crocodiles.
In my own humble opinion, however, it is the dialogue-writer who wins the award as it so accurately mirrors the pattern of writing that a slightly autistic 8-year-old boy who has just seen Jaws and some other horror b-movies might adopt. Congratulations to that person!
You would think that the 3D effects might save it as one of those 'so bad it's good and at least we get some comedy deaths and a bit of eye popping horror', right? Wrong. Besides random flying sharks, we get a moment in which mini-sharks eat a woman to death and some of them come at us quickly whilst they do so. This lacks any even mild shock or surprise value nor anything convincing, realistic-looking or genuinely horrific considering how predictable every step of the film is.
Seriously, Shark Night 3D may be rated a '15' but I think the intelligence of your average 15-year-old will be very, very insulted. I only watched this because, as a fan of horror, I wanted to know how bad horror films could be in this day and age. Now I know. They used to use the term 'straight to DVD' to describe bad movies, now it's 'straight to 3D'.
If anyone rates this film highly, it would be a good idea to go check out any other good reviews of theirs as a general guideline for what- not-to-watch.