Nighttime shots of Grand Rapids, Michigan in winter. Huge Hulk talks to other people, then fights with them. Some fights he wins, others he loses. Then he talks to someone on a pay phone. (Where the hell did they find all those pay phones? I don't think there are that many pay phones left in all of the Midwest, much less Grand Rapids, Michigan. I swear they had to go buy some and tie them to streetlights with coat hangers.) Then he drives. Then there's some more nighttime shots of Grand Rapids, Michigan in winter. Then Hulk talks to some other people, then fights with them... repeat for 90 minutes. There, I just saved you the necessity of watching this dreadful movie. I watched this one late insomniac night on HBO because I noticed right away it was shot in Grand Rapids, and I'm a West Michigan guy. But the location is all it has going for it. There are just flat out ridiculous occurrences in the script -- the hero goes from driving a 1980s Oldsmobile from driving a 1990s Firebird or Camaro; no explanation given for the vehicle switch. Another time, he takes punches that would leave an actual human's face looking like lasagna, pro wrestler or no. He goes to visit his ex- girlfriend, who remarks that he looks like crap. Camera cuts to his face, and he has one tiny smidge of blood on his chin. Yeah, that's just awful. Finally, I'm a little surprised the city fathers in Grand Rapids didn't complain about the portrayal of their city -- who knew there was a gigantic four-story illegal casino and whorehouse in the middle of downtown, and the entire police force was among its best customers??
Review of House of the Rising Sun
