Holy moly. Here I am exactly 17 minutes into the film and I'm already regretting spending three bucks for it at Big Lots. Three bucks! At Big Lots, that's a helluva lot of KitKats I gave up in favor of this awful film, and boy, do I feel cheated.
Tony Todd? Good in "Candyman" and nothing else, including this. As the titular doctor he's bland, boring and uninteresting. As the titular monster, he's laughable -- equal parts Jerry Lewis in the original "Nutty Professor" and Eric Roberts in anything.
Tracy Scoggins has grown old to look like Lily Munster. Except, the actress who played Lily Munster had to work at it. Damn, that's sad.
I won't insult you by recapping the plot. You know the story, and none of the differences in this film matter, anyway.
There's lots of college coeds in early-'90s lip gloss who don't take anything off. At least they could have given us that. But director John Carl Buechler, who is just... oh, just awful, has such contempt for anyone who would drop three smackers at Big Lots for this garbage he doesn't even give us a peek.
Not that a little T&A would have made up for a nonsensical script, molasses-in-Alaska pacing, and the worst acting I've ever seen since that '80s cult VHS classic "Evil Toons" (which was better than this movie).
And I want to reiterate -- though the late Roger Ebert would have likely disapproved -- I've come to these conclusions after just 17 minutes into this rotten, rotten movie. I turned it off after deciding my life was worth more than spending time on this.
I've read in other reviews Jekyll turns into a giant monkeyman at the end.
Not worth it, folks. I'm going to bed. And I hope Big Lots exchanges this for three bucks in KitKats tomorrow.
Tony Todd? Good in "Candyman" and nothing else, including this. As the titular doctor he's bland, boring and uninteresting. As the titular monster, he's laughable -- equal parts Jerry Lewis in the original "Nutty Professor" and Eric Roberts in anything.
Tracy Scoggins has grown old to look like Lily Munster. Except, the actress who played Lily Munster had to work at it. Damn, that's sad.
I won't insult you by recapping the plot. You know the story, and none of the differences in this film matter, anyway.
There's lots of college coeds in early-'90s lip gloss who don't take anything off. At least they could have given us that. But director John Carl Buechler, who is just... oh, just awful, has such contempt for anyone who would drop three smackers at Big Lots for this garbage he doesn't even give us a peek.
Not that a little T&A would have made up for a nonsensical script, molasses-in-Alaska pacing, and the worst acting I've ever seen since that '80s cult VHS classic "Evil Toons" (which was better than this movie).
And I want to reiterate -- though the late Roger Ebert would have likely disapproved -- I've come to these conclusions after just 17 minutes into this rotten, rotten movie. I turned it off after deciding my life was worth more than spending time on this.
I've read in other reviews Jekyll turns into a giant monkeyman at the end.
Not worth it, folks. I'm going to bed. And I hope Big Lots exchanges this for three bucks in KitKats tomorrow.