Lake Dead (2007), directed by George Bessudo. 90 minutes.
Plot:
A gaggle of good-looking 20-somethings take a road trip up north to a motel which was recently inherited by about a half dozen or so sisters (none of which even remotely resemble one another) within the group. While they have fun getting stoned in their RV, listening to terrible screamo and taking their clothes off at every opportunity, some grim looking fellows set out to put a wrench in the whole thing. Or a spike. Or a hatchet. Something. I don't know. They have sex. They die. You know the score. Something something Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Something something Friday the 13th. Lather, rinse, repeat. Please pass the bottle, this is going to be a long 90 minutes.
Writing and Directing:
I would say this movie was poorly directed, but that would be an insult to directors in general. To his credit, George Bessudo can at least frame a scene and capture his actors and their actions clearly. Shame he can't breathe any life into the turgid, stale script. The only element that sets this time-waster apart from the average slasher/backwoods horror flick is the heavy-handed and ridiculous soap opera that plays out in the first fifteen minutes. If you sit around the house all day watching shows like "Days Of Our Lives" and "The Young And The Restless" and think "Gee, this is great, but a couple buckets of fake blood and some gratuitous T & A would really make it sparkle!" then this may be the flick for you.
Acting:
Acting is virtually non-existent. Two people named Kelsey. Someone named Tara. Who cares? At least the bad guys seemed to be trying and, subsequently, the actors portraying them look like they had a little fun with it. For the bulk of the cast, you get the sense that the producer, reeking of hair gel and Axe body-spray, just called in some friends and was all like "Broseph, I got this film! You got to come down and be in it! You can be my lead! We got these girls who are willing to take their tops off for us!" It's actually a bit depressing that perfectly decent looking women took their clothes off for THIS.
Music:
Stale, standard score. Nothing impressive. I think the producer's cousin (his name is probably Derrick, and he probably has black, spikey hair and wears short-sleeved button-up shirts all the time) and his screamo/pop-punk band provided the rest of the soundscape. I hear they almost got to play the parking lot at the Warped Tour back in 2005, but it didn't work out. Keep shooting for the stars, guys!
The Bottom Line(s):
This movie is terrible and virtually irredeemable. Tolerable if left on in the background while you do more important things like, say, scooping your cat's litter box or picking lint out of your bellybutton. The standard T&A and buckets of red stuff offer a slight bit of relief, but for the most part, this one deserves to be left at the bottom of a lake. I had more fun writing this review than I did watching the movie, if that tells you anything.
Lesson Learned:
Don't bring a wallet with you when you go swimming. To paraphrase the great Dr. Zoidberg: "Your movie is bad and you should feel bad!"
Plot:
A gaggle of good-looking 20-somethings take a road trip up north to a motel which was recently inherited by about a half dozen or so sisters (none of which even remotely resemble one another) within the group. While they have fun getting stoned in their RV, listening to terrible screamo and taking their clothes off at every opportunity, some grim looking fellows set out to put a wrench in the whole thing. Or a spike. Or a hatchet. Something. I don't know. They have sex. They die. You know the score. Something something Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Something something Friday the 13th. Lather, rinse, repeat. Please pass the bottle, this is going to be a long 90 minutes.
Writing and Directing:
I would say this movie was poorly directed, but that would be an insult to directors in general. To his credit, George Bessudo can at least frame a scene and capture his actors and their actions clearly. Shame he can't breathe any life into the turgid, stale script. The only element that sets this time-waster apart from the average slasher/backwoods horror flick is the heavy-handed and ridiculous soap opera that plays out in the first fifteen minutes. If you sit around the house all day watching shows like "Days Of Our Lives" and "The Young And The Restless" and think "Gee, this is great, but a couple buckets of fake blood and some gratuitous T & A would really make it sparkle!" then this may be the flick for you.
Acting:
Acting is virtually non-existent. Two people named Kelsey. Someone named Tara. Who cares? At least the bad guys seemed to be trying and, subsequently, the actors portraying them look like they had a little fun with it. For the bulk of the cast, you get the sense that the producer, reeking of hair gel and Axe body-spray, just called in some friends and was all like "Broseph, I got this film! You got to come down and be in it! You can be my lead! We got these girls who are willing to take their tops off for us!" It's actually a bit depressing that perfectly decent looking women took their clothes off for THIS.
Music:
Stale, standard score. Nothing impressive. I think the producer's cousin (his name is probably Derrick, and he probably has black, spikey hair and wears short-sleeved button-up shirts all the time) and his screamo/pop-punk band provided the rest of the soundscape. I hear they almost got to play the parking lot at the Warped Tour back in 2005, but it didn't work out. Keep shooting for the stars, guys!
The Bottom Line(s):
This movie is terrible and virtually irredeemable. Tolerable if left on in the background while you do more important things like, say, scooping your cat's litter box or picking lint out of your bellybutton. The standard T&A and buckets of red stuff offer a slight bit of relief, but for the most part, this one deserves to be left at the bottom of a lake. I had more fun writing this review than I did watching the movie, if that tells you anything.
Lesson Learned:
Don't bring a wallet with you when you go swimming. To paraphrase the great Dr. Zoidberg: "Your movie is bad and you should feel bad!"