1. Unbelievably, it isn't a Writer's Guild violation to complete a screenplay on used toilet paper.
2. Bloody stripper poles simply cannot be a turn on, but, the show must go on.
3. In this case, yes, you would have to be a rocket scientist to understand this movie.
4. Even the Smurf movies didn't have this much blue in it.
5. Fun medical fact #1: hand sawed off? Finger mysteriously detached? Wrap a towel around the stub and sometimes hold up above heart until the pain disappears and you're okay again. NOTE: sometimes two towels are needed.
6. Fun medical fact #2: Being buried alive isn't all that bad. The average stigmata twin can survive hours with little to no air. Unfortunately, this really only applies to stigmata twins, so yeah, don't try this in your own backyard.
7. When your daughter thinks she's a twin, prove her wrong with a ready-to-play video of just her in your womb before birth.
8. One of the Lohans states "Hospitals are for rich people" when she refuses assistance for her severed finger. Yeah, rich people and idiots that don't know they help anyone regardless of wealth.
9. Wish my phone battery lasted hours after its low-battery alarm alerts me like the more crucial battery did in this movie.
10. It's doubtful the best way to announce a classmate has been recovered dead over the PA and repeatedly is: "Jennifer Toland's body was found."
11. Also, don't ever, EVER, ask a teacher for details on your classmate's "found body." She honestly may not have too much more to say than "Jennifer Toland's body was found" after the 1½ seconds of information she was given.
12. Maybe, in 2007, the world wasn't ready for the real Lindsay Lohan meltdown. No, not even with two Lohans.
13. And speaking of which, this is the third time Lohan played two characters in the same film after The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday. This probably explains a lot of her real life problems.
14. Flashback to The Room and Birdemic with the split-second finding of Jerrod in a busy crowd when one of the Lohans' been wished luck in tracking him down.
15. If only this took place during summer vacation because you'd one helluva story/movie to tell the following year.
16. They accomplished Movie Cliché #158, or "set up a murder-mystery with tons of oh-sooo suspicious characters," so well, you can't take your eyes off that devilish little hairless creature of a pet they have and yet, never see again.
17. Mercifully, through the quicksand of a script, there were enough unintentionally hilarious scenes and facial expressions to at least keep the viewer awake.
2. Bloody stripper poles simply cannot be a turn on, but, the show must go on.
3. In this case, yes, you would have to be a rocket scientist to understand this movie.
4. Even the Smurf movies didn't have this much blue in it.
5. Fun medical fact #1: hand sawed off? Finger mysteriously detached? Wrap a towel around the stub and sometimes hold up above heart until the pain disappears and you're okay again. NOTE: sometimes two towels are needed.
6. Fun medical fact #2: Being buried alive isn't all that bad. The average stigmata twin can survive hours with little to no air. Unfortunately, this really only applies to stigmata twins, so yeah, don't try this in your own backyard.
7. When your daughter thinks she's a twin, prove her wrong with a ready-to-play video of just her in your womb before birth.
8. One of the Lohans states "Hospitals are for rich people" when she refuses assistance for her severed finger. Yeah, rich people and idiots that don't know they help anyone regardless of wealth.
9. Wish my phone battery lasted hours after its low-battery alarm alerts me like the more crucial battery did in this movie.
10. It's doubtful the best way to announce a classmate has been recovered dead over the PA and repeatedly is: "Jennifer Toland's body was found."
11. Also, don't ever, EVER, ask a teacher for details on your classmate's "found body." She honestly may not have too much more to say than "Jennifer Toland's body was found" after the 1½ seconds of information she was given.
12. Maybe, in 2007, the world wasn't ready for the real Lindsay Lohan meltdown. No, not even with two Lohans.
13. And speaking of which, this is the third time Lohan played two characters in the same film after The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday. This probably explains a lot of her real life problems.
14. Flashback to The Room and Birdemic with the split-second finding of Jerrod in a busy crowd when one of the Lohans' been wished luck in tracking him down.
15. If only this took place during summer vacation because you'd one helluva story/movie to tell the following year.
16. They accomplished Movie Cliché #158, or "set up a murder-mystery with tons of oh-sooo suspicious characters," so well, you can't take your eyes off that devilish little hairless creature of a pet they have and yet, never see again.
17. Mercifully, through the quicksand of a script, there were enough unintentionally hilarious scenes and facial expressions to at least keep the viewer awake.