1/10
Pushed it in 1968 but 2014? Come on!
17 May 2014
Warning: Spoilers
I've seen the original perhaps a dozen times over the years and find it to be a fairly decent film for the time-period (1968). I rather well like it actually.It is true to the time, Mia Farrow is great, I love Ruth Gordon and how pushy the two oldies are and how smarmy John Cassavettes is. It totally works.

This re-make stumbles and falls. Face first.

Zoe Saldana plays Rosemary like she's still stuck in 1968. I don't know any women in this day and age who would behave like such sniveling, crying, Stepford wives. Half the time she has no clue what's going on around her, the other half she's sobbing and making a truly unattractive crying face and blubbering all about.

She has no life except to support her husband's ambitions (not an actor this time but writer). She has one friend who ends up getting brutally killed in a kitchen accident in the second episode of the two-parter. This is one of a number of deaths (but more personal because it is her best friend) that Rosemary endures surrounding her once she and her husband move into this creepy building owned by Roman and Margaux Castevet who semi-adopt Rosemary and her snarky chin-less husband (who always has a five day growth of beard) in a weirdo sex-cultish inappropriate kind of way.

This is different from the original film because the couple was considerably older, more like grandparents to the nubile Rosemary. In this version there are even lesbian undertones between Rosemary and Margaux and of course later we know what Roman has been up to as well. Though I might be confused by this since Roman is Steven Mercato and he is also supposed to be the Devil? In the original is was a beast who rapes Rosemary. In this version it is Steven Mercato/Roman Castevet.

Rosemary keeps finding out things that are horrible and terrifying (like all the people dying around her including her best friend whom she just sobs over a little and promptly completely and totally FORGETS) and is going to make her stand but never does because someone gets killed or dies unexpectedly and she has to go to a funeral. She gets preoccupied by her baby shower with all these weird older people (and none of her own friends and neither she nor her husband have any family either). Then when she finds out that they are "all satanic witches" (though this material nor the original makes no actual distinction between witches who have no devil and are not satanic and just dumps all witches into the believer and follower of Satan category - how very 1600's of them)her husband acts like she's lost her mind and she's having a break- down. She cries and sobs and whines and howls and keens through the entire thing.

There's a brief moment when Rosemary looks things up on the internet but it is glossed over. This Rosemary is no feminist, she is a pregnant mess, crying and weeping uncontrollably and unable to make a decision or take care of herself. And she is totally her husbands (and everyone's) bitch which in 1968 was offensive but in 2014 is ridiculous.

This re-make does not work in the 21st century. Satanists aren't witches and anyone with Google can find that out in a heartbeat. Witchcraft and spells have absolutely NOTHING to do with Satanism. Witchcraft is part of pagan earth-based religion. Satanism is a reversal of Christianity. I would have hoped in altering things from the source material for this version they might have gotten that right.

I can excuse the 1968 version for its ignorance but not this version. This makes it insulting to any pagan or witch to be lumped in with Satanists once again when no pagan belief system even has a Devil- figure.

Hollywood recycles another classic original film into a weak and pandering re-make that is tiresome and laughable.

Jason Issacs mugging with his evil-eye staring had me nearly laughing out loud at how sneeringly comical it was.

For the record New York City is much creepier than Paris. I even felt bad for Paris to have to co-star in such a crappy re-make. And all French people, though fortunately almost none are in the film. How interesting that you can go and live in Paris and everyone is British.

As a curiosity this would be amusing if it was about an hour and half shorter. As it stands you'll be rolling your eyes and checking the time as you snore toward the end.
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