Back in August 2012, "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure" burst on to the scene and broke box office records. Unfortunately for them, the record they broke was that of the LOWEST grossing wide-release film ever, managing to best the previous record holder, "Delgo," which posted some pretty pathetic numbers of its own. Of course, it probably didn't help that advertising for the film seemed to be nonexistent but make no mistake, this movie stinks.
The movie starts with Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie, who can charitably be described as the unholy spawn of a troll doll and a Teletubby explaining the movie's audience participation gimmick. How they do this is a mystery as their mouths barely move. The rest of their costumes are not much better, as they're only slightly more convincing than the guy in the Goofy costume at Disney World.
We also learn a little about them. Goobie is the smart, analytical one, Toofie is basically the slacker of the group, and Zoozie is a girl who talks to animals. Except for the animal whisperer deal, none of this amounts to anything.
Then we meet their friends, a talking vacuum cleaner named J Edgar, a talking windowpane with a bad Southern accent named Windy Window, a literal fish out of water in a bowl named Ruffy, and a sentient pillow named Schluufy. They set up the plot, which is that the pillow is having a surprise birthday party and J Edgar is tasked with getting five balloons for it. He does this, but loses them all during some spontaneous epileptic fit. Since these balloons are somehow magical, it's up to the Oogieloves to get them back before the party starts even though the pillow seems stoned out of its mind and probably wouldn't notice anyway.
If that sounds bad, just wait. There are five humiliating guest star appearances tied to the retrieval of each balloon. Each of them is dressed like a clown (except Toni Braxton), is forced to act like an escaped mental patient, and sings an irritating repetitive song meant to inspire audience participation. Everyone here is making such big fools of themselves (except, MAYBE, Toni Braxton) that I spent the entire movie feeling sorry for them.
Guest appearances include Cloris Leachman, as a deranged woman in Raggedy Ann make up who's obsessed with circles and lives in a teapot. Next we have Chazz Palminteri decked out as a fifties soda jerk trying his hardest to channel Jimmy Durante. Then we have Toni Braxton, who is somewhat spared by the costume department as she gets to wear a sparkly yet revealing evening gown and her natural singing abilities keep her song from being a total disaster. Though it is puzzling why she sings a slow R&B ballad in a movie designed to encourage children to dance.
After Ms. Braxton's ode to the sniffles, we get to see Cary Elwes in perhaps the most degrading, bizarre performance in the film and that's saying something. It can best be described as a psychotic cowboy who walks bowlegged and bounces up and down while wearing a creepy smile on his face that doesn't say "Hey kids, let's dance," so much as it says, "I dismembered several young girls and buried them in my backyard." The final balloon is held by Jaime Pressly and Christopher Lloyd who pretend to be Hispanic for some reason and live in a sombrero that only moves through the power of dance. At first, Lloyd mercifully doesn't have to speak but he later loses his dignity in a flamenco dance set to Benny Hill speed after bellowing out a loony Tarzan yell.
And so we have a movie trippier and weirder than anything to come out of the mind of Hunter S. Thompson. That aside, its failures are almost too many to count: bad costuming, bad acting, bad singing (except Toni Braxton), bad writing, and boring, uninspired music. It's also annoyingly repetitive. Not counting the songs, which repeat the chorus until you want to drive a nail into your skull, every time a balloon is retrieved we must endure a chant from J. Edgar to summon Windy Window, another chant to phone Goobie, and the Oogieloves' stock chant.
The last balloon in particular is agonizing to sit through as it takes twenty minutes more for the movie to end and it seems to grind to a halt while they try to get the sombrero moving. When Ruffy complained that they were going so slow that they wouldn't even make it to Schluufy's retirement party I sympathized. I can understand the repetition if it were a TV show divided into several episodes, but in movie format, it comes across as the filmmakers thinking their audience has the memory of a goldfish. Did they really expect kids to sit through this?
This is a movie that truly deserves its reputation as the biggest flop of all time. It's irritating, boring, garish, cheaply made, sickeningly cutesy, and sometimes creepy even. I know I'm not the target audience for this film but there are plenty of kids movies out there that can entertain both kids and adults so it can be done. I truly feel sorry for the few parents who had to sit through this thing to appease their kids and maybe even some of the kids as well.
And as for Cloris, Chazz, Toni, Cary, Jaime, and Christopher Lloyd, my condolences on all your careers.
OK, Cloris Leachman will probably survive this disaster cause she'll appear in anything (this movie is undeniable proof of that), but the others still stand.
The movie starts with Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie, who can charitably be described as the unholy spawn of a troll doll and a Teletubby explaining the movie's audience participation gimmick. How they do this is a mystery as their mouths barely move. The rest of their costumes are not much better, as they're only slightly more convincing than the guy in the Goofy costume at Disney World.
We also learn a little about them. Goobie is the smart, analytical one, Toofie is basically the slacker of the group, and Zoozie is a girl who talks to animals. Except for the animal whisperer deal, none of this amounts to anything.
Then we meet their friends, a talking vacuum cleaner named J Edgar, a talking windowpane with a bad Southern accent named Windy Window, a literal fish out of water in a bowl named Ruffy, and a sentient pillow named Schluufy. They set up the plot, which is that the pillow is having a surprise birthday party and J Edgar is tasked with getting five balloons for it. He does this, but loses them all during some spontaneous epileptic fit. Since these balloons are somehow magical, it's up to the Oogieloves to get them back before the party starts even though the pillow seems stoned out of its mind and probably wouldn't notice anyway.
If that sounds bad, just wait. There are five humiliating guest star appearances tied to the retrieval of each balloon. Each of them is dressed like a clown (except Toni Braxton), is forced to act like an escaped mental patient, and sings an irritating repetitive song meant to inspire audience participation. Everyone here is making such big fools of themselves (except, MAYBE, Toni Braxton) that I spent the entire movie feeling sorry for them.
Guest appearances include Cloris Leachman, as a deranged woman in Raggedy Ann make up who's obsessed with circles and lives in a teapot. Next we have Chazz Palminteri decked out as a fifties soda jerk trying his hardest to channel Jimmy Durante. Then we have Toni Braxton, who is somewhat spared by the costume department as she gets to wear a sparkly yet revealing evening gown and her natural singing abilities keep her song from being a total disaster. Though it is puzzling why she sings a slow R&B ballad in a movie designed to encourage children to dance.
After Ms. Braxton's ode to the sniffles, we get to see Cary Elwes in perhaps the most degrading, bizarre performance in the film and that's saying something. It can best be described as a psychotic cowboy who walks bowlegged and bounces up and down while wearing a creepy smile on his face that doesn't say "Hey kids, let's dance," so much as it says, "I dismembered several young girls and buried them in my backyard." The final balloon is held by Jaime Pressly and Christopher Lloyd who pretend to be Hispanic for some reason and live in a sombrero that only moves through the power of dance. At first, Lloyd mercifully doesn't have to speak but he later loses his dignity in a flamenco dance set to Benny Hill speed after bellowing out a loony Tarzan yell.
And so we have a movie trippier and weirder than anything to come out of the mind of Hunter S. Thompson. That aside, its failures are almost too many to count: bad costuming, bad acting, bad singing (except Toni Braxton), bad writing, and boring, uninspired music. It's also annoyingly repetitive. Not counting the songs, which repeat the chorus until you want to drive a nail into your skull, every time a balloon is retrieved we must endure a chant from J. Edgar to summon Windy Window, another chant to phone Goobie, and the Oogieloves' stock chant.
The last balloon in particular is agonizing to sit through as it takes twenty minutes more for the movie to end and it seems to grind to a halt while they try to get the sombrero moving. When Ruffy complained that they were going so slow that they wouldn't even make it to Schluufy's retirement party I sympathized. I can understand the repetition if it were a TV show divided into several episodes, but in movie format, it comes across as the filmmakers thinking their audience has the memory of a goldfish. Did they really expect kids to sit through this?
This is a movie that truly deserves its reputation as the biggest flop of all time. It's irritating, boring, garish, cheaply made, sickeningly cutesy, and sometimes creepy even. I know I'm not the target audience for this film but there are plenty of kids movies out there that can entertain both kids and adults so it can be done. I truly feel sorry for the few parents who had to sit through this thing to appease their kids and maybe even some of the kids as well.
And as for Cloris, Chazz, Toni, Cary, Jaime, and Christopher Lloyd, my condolences on all your careers.
OK, Cloris Leachman will probably survive this disaster cause she'll appear in anything (this movie is undeniable proof of that), but the others still stand.