Review of Elevator

Elevator (V) (2012)
1/10
Unlikeable characters, unnecessary 'suspense', TERRIBLE movie (*spoilers*)
8 August 2014
Warning: Spoilers
Been watching a bunch of lesser known horror/thriller movies on Netflix recently, some are fairly good, some are "ehhh alright", some are just bad...and then you have this pile of garbage.

Seriously one of the "worst movies evar"! I don't even know where to begin but I beg of you please do NOT watch this movie.

If you do here is a rundown of how it will go: First of all, almost all the characters in the elevator are dislikeable. In fact I hated them all except perhaps the pregnant lady and perhaps, to some degree, the fat guy (whose fate is ironic given that, but I won't give away too much).

Seriously about halfway in I was just *hoping* for the bomb to explode and kill all the a-holes in the elevator. I couldn't have cared less for any of them except again the pregnant character who at least acted more sensibly than anyone else. You hate the little girl for causing the elevator to get stuck and being stupid and whiny, you hate the 'comedian' cause he's a jackwagon, you hate the old dude 'cause of his greed and arrogance, you hate the boyfriend dude because he's also another a-hole, you hate his gf because she's only interested in making a story out of the situation, you hate the security guard because he's totally useless, and you hate the old lady (you'll see why). You couldn't care less about any of them.

Most movies like this have maybe one guy you hate--the guy that acts like a total moron--and the rest of them or at least most of them you are rooting for, to survive. This movie? Nope, you want to see them pretty much all dead. You just want the damn bomb to explode already and kill everyone and end this horrible movie.

Then there are all these weird and stupid pauses and slow-paced attempts at 'suspense' that aren't suspenseful they are just boring and annoying. Like when they search for the bomb ever so carefully instead of just looking for the damn thing. I mean the person with the bomb walked around fine, made regular movements, the elevator jerked around, etc. etc. and the bomb never went off so I'm pretty sure the bomb is not going to "just go off" upon moving the bomb-holder and their clothes/belongings. There's so many moments like this along with pauses and waits for totally pointless reasons.

Instead of waiting for all this nonsense to transpire and agonise watching this fail of a movie, you just jump forward again and again hoping for the point where either the bomb has exploded or someone to break the 4th wall and tell you this movie wasn't meant to be serious and the joke is on you for watching it to begin with.

Then there are so many other things wrong with the thin story it's not funny. Both the attempts to escape the elevator and the rescuers (who are supposed to be experts) attempts to get them out make absolutely no sense. You can tell from a mile away someone is going to get injured, and you can tell the rescuers are totally incompetent as well.

Once you get to the end you just shake your head and realise you wasted however much time you wasted watching this (and hopefully not the actual run time because I pity anyone that actually sat through the whole thing).

The movie is bad. Really...really bad. Do not watch.
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