Cheerleaders, zombies, and vampires? Could be fun. But it's NOT!!!
Why does this film have such a high rating on IMDb? Because once again the studio has trolled this site with fake reviews and IMDb doesn't stop them!
I just finished watching a critical analysis of 'Who's That Girl' and we did find a few funny gags to its credit. 'All Cheerleaders Die' has NO redeeming credits at all!!! That's how bad this film is. I enjoyed more or rather hated less 'Who's That Girl' than this film.
The plot: I watched this film twice just to make sure I can honestly say this film has NO plot what so ever! That's how bad it is! Even after a second viewing I still cannot name a single character in this film!
Alright, here's what happens: It opens with a bio video about a snobby slutty dumb Mulatto cheerleader. It never explains whom she's speaking to or why she's breaking the 4th wall she just talk to the camera. No, the school newspaper isn't doing a story on her she's just talking to the camera for no reason for the first five minutes of the film until she dies by breaking her neck. This character's life nor death serves no purpose to the rest of the film it's just the opening five minutes, this is one of these films where things just happen for no reason!
Next a goth girl is dumped by her friend? Since it's NEVER explained who any of these characters are I presume they're friends?
While out drinking in the woods they get into a verbal and then physical fight with the football team. Isn't the point of slutty cheerleaders and dumb jocks getting drunk in the woods to have sex? Not beat each other up?
Anyway a car chase ensues and the cheerleaders are all drowned. The goth girl just happens along and is able to drag five 100 pound bodies back into the woods where she performs a Wicken spell which brings them back to life.
The girls return to the goth girl's house where one of the characters is upset because her soul is in her sister's body. Again, since it's NEVER explained whom any of these characters are we don't know whom her sister is nor do we care. Although we do wonder, if there was a soul body mix up, wouldn't there be a second sister also upset about being in her sister's body? Well there isn't.
The girls are apparently now cold fleshed zombies. Although if they have their souls back why are they zombies? Aren't zombies living bodies without souls?
Whatever, let's just wrap this up, we're already 75% into the movie! No kidding! It takes over an hour just to get to the narrative hook. But this isn't 'Ben-Hur' it's still only 90 minutes. See? There is a God.
The girls first eat a neighbor alive and then go back to school to kill some boys. Are these the same boys who caused the fatal car accident? We don't know! It's NEVER explained who any of these characters are!
The token black quarterback shows back up. Yes, him we remember. He's the only black guy in this movie. He caused the accident. They kill him. The end. I didn't leave out a single detail. That's it! There is not a single interesting element in this whole film!
There is nothing sexy, scary, or exciting. It isn't even entertaining on a base level like 'Sharknadeo.'
If this and 'Who's That Girl?' are the only two films on TV, gauge your eyes out! No, seriously watch 'Who's That Girl?' This is just how bad 'All Cheerleaders Die' is!
Why does this film have such a high rating on IMDb? Because once again the studio has trolled this site with fake reviews and IMDb doesn't stop them!
I just finished watching a critical analysis of 'Who's That Girl' and we did find a few funny gags to its credit. 'All Cheerleaders Die' has NO redeeming credits at all!!! That's how bad this film is. I enjoyed more or rather hated less 'Who's That Girl' than this film.
The plot: I watched this film twice just to make sure I can honestly say this film has NO plot what so ever! That's how bad it is! Even after a second viewing I still cannot name a single character in this film!
Alright, here's what happens: It opens with a bio video about a snobby slutty dumb Mulatto cheerleader. It never explains whom she's speaking to or why she's breaking the 4th wall she just talk to the camera. No, the school newspaper isn't doing a story on her she's just talking to the camera for no reason for the first five minutes of the film until she dies by breaking her neck. This character's life nor death serves no purpose to the rest of the film it's just the opening five minutes, this is one of these films where things just happen for no reason!
Next a goth girl is dumped by her friend? Since it's NEVER explained who any of these characters are I presume they're friends?
While out drinking in the woods they get into a verbal and then physical fight with the football team. Isn't the point of slutty cheerleaders and dumb jocks getting drunk in the woods to have sex? Not beat each other up?
Anyway a car chase ensues and the cheerleaders are all drowned. The goth girl just happens along and is able to drag five 100 pound bodies back into the woods where she performs a Wicken spell which brings them back to life.
The girls return to the goth girl's house where one of the characters is upset because her soul is in her sister's body. Again, since it's NEVER explained whom any of these characters are we don't know whom her sister is nor do we care. Although we do wonder, if there was a soul body mix up, wouldn't there be a second sister also upset about being in her sister's body? Well there isn't.
The girls are apparently now cold fleshed zombies. Although if they have their souls back why are they zombies? Aren't zombies living bodies without souls?
Whatever, let's just wrap this up, we're already 75% into the movie! No kidding! It takes over an hour just to get to the narrative hook. But this isn't 'Ben-Hur' it's still only 90 minutes. See? There is a God.
The girls first eat a neighbor alive and then go back to school to kill some boys. Are these the same boys who caused the fatal car accident? We don't know! It's NEVER explained who any of these characters are!
The token black quarterback shows back up. Yes, him we remember. He's the only black guy in this movie. He caused the accident. They kill him. The end. I didn't leave out a single detail. That's it! There is not a single interesting element in this whole film!
There is nothing sexy, scary, or exciting. It isn't even entertaining on a base level like 'Sharknadeo.'
If this and 'Who's That Girl?' are the only two films on TV, gauge your eyes out! No, seriously watch 'Who's That Girl?' This is just how bad 'All Cheerleaders Die' is!