Apparently there exists a movie so bad I can't appreciate anything about it. So bad I had to finally write my first review as a sort of payback for the time this steaming pile stole from me.
The story is just too incredibly unbelievable. Even the little things, like when the clearly civilian goofy frat boy (comic relief) gets shot, then just is a bad ass Solid Snake while deciding not to even bleed? Navigates old mines, infiltrates a high security hidden underground lab, and gains clearance and whoops ass while wearing shorts and a machine gun poorly hidden under a lab coat? Oh and did I mention he was shot but isn't bleeding, like at all? Usually he doesn't even have a hand on it. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but I've needed to nurse my kidney a lot more than he did, and mine wasn't shot clean through with a 9mm at close range... so I'm thinking instead the writers just forgot he was pretty seriously wounded. Mercifully they don't even attempt to explain why any of this is happening... which is good because there exists not a single acceptable explanation.
Our main character has this uncanny ability too; apparently bullets only kill bad guys in Toxin-land. He's shot in the leg, doesn't care - still going to run around. Also a unique feature of this alternate universe... bullet proof glass can't be shot through, but you can throw, yes throw, a pistol clean through it no problem. It's truly next level. Trying to murder everyone with a lethal virus (as the protagonist)? Shoot the tank. Doesn't work? Just throw your glock at it, problem solved!
The acting was terrible and half hearted, the main character is unlikable and again inexplicably good at wrecking anyone who opposes him, and the supporting cast is pretty much just a pile of people who lay around and die or stand around and kill themselves - and I mean this literally.
Why can the main character teleport? At one point he is holed up in a room, he cuts a ~2" hole in a piece of plywood covering an exterior window. Then five seconds later he's outside and has flanked a military unit, then just wastes them all in anticlimactic fashion by using the hole as a diversion? And somehow is behind everyone? Because you know, hero stuff. It's as though the only two people who have received any training are these two nitwits, and the mysterious company with the blackwater style troops rolling around decided to save money and hire their manpower from a middle school dropout mailing list. The only thing missing was maybe if the main character had busted out some gun fu while taking on multiple guards at once.
And why did the scientist give the main character a tour of the secret facility while the love interest is literally dying on a stretcher they are pushing around? Did they decide exposition was more important than the anti-serum? Why movie why.
FML I can't believe this kind of stuff gets funded, and I hope everyone involved with this new low loses sleep at night over it.
The story is just too incredibly unbelievable. Even the little things, like when the clearly civilian goofy frat boy (comic relief) gets shot, then just is a bad ass Solid Snake while deciding not to even bleed? Navigates old mines, infiltrates a high security hidden underground lab, and gains clearance and whoops ass while wearing shorts and a machine gun poorly hidden under a lab coat? Oh and did I mention he was shot but isn't bleeding, like at all? Usually he doesn't even have a hand on it. Maybe I'm just a wimp, but I've needed to nurse my kidney a lot more than he did, and mine wasn't shot clean through with a 9mm at close range... so I'm thinking instead the writers just forgot he was pretty seriously wounded. Mercifully they don't even attempt to explain why any of this is happening... which is good because there exists not a single acceptable explanation.
Our main character has this uncanny ability too; apparently bullets only kill bad guys in Toxin-land. He's shot in the leg, doesn't care - still going to run around. Also a unique feature of this alternate universe... bullet proof glass can't be shot through, but you can throw, yes throw, a pistol clean through it no problem. It's truly next level. Trying to murder everyone with a lethal virus (as the protagonist)? Shoot the tank. Doesn't work? Just throw your glock at it, problem solved!
The acting was terrible and half hearted, the main character is unlikable and again inexplicably good at wrecking anyone who opposes him, and the supporting cast is pretty much just a pile of people who lay around and die or stand around and kill themselves - and I mean this literally.
Why can the main character teleport? At one point he is holed up in a room, he cuts a ~2" hole in a piece of plywood covering an exterior window. Then five seconds later he's outside and has flanked a military unit, then just wastes them all in anticlimactic fashion by using the hole as a diversion? And somehow is behind everyone? Because you know, hero stuff. It's as though the only two people who have received any training are these two nitwits, and the mysterious company with the blackwater style troops rolling around decided to save money and hire their manpower from a middle school dropout mailing list. The only thing missing was maybe if the main character had busted out some gun fu while taking on multiple guards at once.
And why did the scientist give the main character a tour of the secret facility while the love interest is literally dying on a stretcher they are pushing around? Did they decide exposition was more important than the anti-serum? Why movie why.
FML I can't believe this kind of stuff gets funded, and I hope everyone involved with this new low loses sleep at night over it.