When dealing with a movie as tedious as "Vampyros Lesbos", you have to force yourself to remember something about it so that you never make the mistake of watching it again. Here goes:
The movie has a psychedelic soundtrack that sounds like a man calling a horse race under water while an unrelated band plays in another room.
Also, the movie features arduous sex shows that I suppose are like performance art in their pointlessness. One woman, topless, removes a scrunchie wrapped around another topless woman's thigh and then falls over. Slowly.
Also, the movie features a psychiatrist who treats the "main character" but actually draws stupid little pictures while he is supposed to be taking notes. Later, another psychiatrist actually believes in the occult and vampires and all that stuff and indulges his patient so that he can join "their world".
The beautiful Soledad Miranda is at least ideally cast as the vampire countess, and Franco casts himself as a weird little servant to the vampires, showing uncommon insight into his own physical condition.
This one is "dreamlike", of course, which is just a polite way of saying that it makes no sense in the most boring, languid possible way. It's something about a lady having lesbian dreams about a beautiful vampire, then meeting her, then finally killing her by stabbing her in the eye (this is shot so badly you won't remember it five minutes later. Some climax). The movie features so much jumping around and focusing on insignificant details (the scorpion in the swimming pool?) that it makes no sense and you are unable to care about any of the characters. If it ever shows you anything interesting it immediately cuts to maybe half an hour of random nonsense almost as punishment for you feeling your interest piqued.
Oh, and it's not erotic in the least.
The movie has a psychedelic soundtrack that sounds like a man calling a horse race under water while an unrelated band plays in another room.
Also, the movie features arduous sex shows that I suppose are like performance art in their pointlessness. One woman, topless, removes a scrunchie wrapped around another topless woman's thigh and then falls over. Slowly.
Also, the movie features a psychiatrist who treats the "main character" but actually draws stupid little pictures while he is supposed to be taking notes. Later, another psychiatrist actually believes in the occult and vampires and all that stuff and indulges his patient so that he can join "their world".
The beautiful Soledad Miranda is at least ideally cast as the vampire countess, and Franco casts himself as a weird little servant to the vampires, showing uncommon insight into his own physical condition.
This one is "dreamlike", of course, which is just a polite way of saying that it makes no sense in the most boring, languid possible way. It's something about a lady having lesbian dreams about a beautiful vampire, then meeting her, then finally killing her by stabbing her in the eye (this is shot so badly you won't remember it five minutes later. Some climax). The movie features so much jumping around and focusing on insignificant details (the scorpion in the swimming pool?) that it makes no sense and you are unable to care about any of the characters. If it ever shows you anything interesting it immediately cuts to maybe half an hour of random nonsense almost as punishment for you feeling your interest piqued.
Oh, and it's not erotic in the least.