There are bad films, there are really bad films, and then there's LASER MISSION. Okay, so maybe LASER MISSION isn't quite as bad as all that – the fact that it's unintentionally funny all the way through means that it's got a surprisingly high level of entertainment – but it certainly marks the nadir of Brandon Lee's brief career. It's an amateur night offering, shot on the cheap and with awful editing on what looks like the lowest grade film stock imaginable. This so-called "movie" was the result of a collaboration between the USA and Germany, and add location shooting in South Africa to the international brew. You may think that the resultant wealth of input would have led to a halfway decent film, but it's a case of "too many crooks spoil the broth" in this instance.
The title makes it sound like some sci-fi STAR WARS rip-off but in fact this is a run-of-the-mill spy thriller, with Brandon Lee's mercenary hero (who has his own theme tune in the form of 'mercenary man') battling evil Germans and Russians (one of whom is named 'Colonel Kalashnikov', believe it or not) for possession of a huge diamond that looks like it's made out of glass. The film basically involves Lee being captured, escaping, shooting lots of bad guys in bloodless displays of action, and engaging in lots of car chases with clapped-out motors. Ernest Borgnine's also on hand in an extraneous role as a scientist, and it's kind of fun seeing him run round with a rifle, shooting people – reminded me of THE WILD BUNCH made some 21 years before this. But it's also kind of sad.
There's no denying that Lee was an athletic actor and there's some fun to be had from watching him dropkick the bad guys. But his acting is a little flimsy here, and his attempts at comedy are pretty poor. But compared to his love interest, played by Debi Monahan, he's an Oscar winner. The dialogue between these two is groan-inducing and Monahan is the typical blonde bimbo in low cut attire, although to be fair she does take more of a role in the action than is usual. As for the villains, we have good old Werner Pochath, typecast as the villainous German as usual, and Graham Clarke as the ineffectual Russian.
The story is dotted with awful 'comic relief' some of it coming from a pair of Cuban soldiers – one man, one woman – who make the worst double act I've seen in a while. There's no denying the overacting in this film. The UK DVD is amusingly rated PG, although the last time I checked, the BBFC guidelines didn't allow f-words, headbutting and back-breaking in PG rated films. Really, this film is awful. From the cheesy one-liners to the scenes which reference COMMANDO, you don't get much worse – which is why this sort of stuff is just up my street. Best of all are the numerous silly/unbelievable things going on, from our heroine crossing the desert in high heels to our hero getting shot in the stomach and shrugging off the wound! The back of the box doesn't even relate to the real plot and why title a film LASER MISSION if you're not going to put any lasers in it? Why not just call it DIAMOND MISSION or something? If you like bad movies, you're in for a treat with the ultra-poor LASER MISSION.
The title makes it sound like some sci-fi STAR WARS rip-off but in fact this is a run-of-the-mill spy thriller, with Brandon Lee's mercenary hero (who has his own theme tune in the form of 'mercenary man') battling evil Germans and Russians (one of whom is named 'Colonel Kalashnikov', believe it or not) for possession of a huge diamond that looks like it's made out of glass. The film basically involves Lee being captured, escaping, shooting lots of bad guys in bloodless displays of action, and engaging in lots of car chases with clapped-out motors. Ernest Borgnine's also on hand in an extraneous role as a scientist, and it's kind of fun seeing him run round with a rifle, shooting people – reminded me of THE WILD BUNCH made some 21 years before this. But it's also kind of sad.
There's no denying that Lee was an athletic actor and there's some fun to be had from watching him dropkick the bad guys. But his acting is a little flimsy here, and his attempts at comedy are pretty poor. But compared to his love interest, played by Debi Monahan, he's an Oscar winner. The dialogue between these two is groan-inducing and Monahan is the typical blonde bimbo in low cut attire, although to be fair she does take more of a role in the action than is usual. As for the villains, we have good old Werner Pochath, typecast as the villainous German as usual, and Graham Clarke as the ineffectual Russian.
The story is dotted with awful 'comic relief' some of it coming from a pair of Cuban soldiers – one man, one woman – who make the worst double act I've seen in a while. There's no denying the overacting in this film. The UK DVD is amusingly rated PG, although the last time I checked, the BBFC guidelines didn't allow f-words, headbutting and back-breaking in PG rated films. Really, this film is awful. From the cheesy one-liners to the scenes which reference COMMANDO, you don't get much worse – which is why this sort of stuff is just up my street. Best of all are the numerous silly/unbelievable things going on, from our heroine crossing the desert in high heels to our hero getting shot in the stomach and shrugging off the wound! The back of the box doesn't even relate to the real plot and why title a film LASER MISSION if you're not going to put any lasers in it? Why not just call it DIAMOND MISSION or something? If you like bad movies, you're in for a treat with the ultra-poor LASER MISSION.