Navy Seals (1990)
2/10
Dullest men-on-a-mission thriller ever
1 September 2016
Warning: Spoilers
What looks like a fun boys-own adventure type film turns out to be a load of old rubbish. A prime example of why I hate these army-action movies, it's just a flashy yet shallow experience to watch as the cast of immaculate young men run around with guns and do some laughable male-bonding. Even the so-called "violent" action takes the form of a few minor missions which have some bad guys getting shot. The lack of a plot means that one meaningless scene merges into the next as all the genres try to get a slice of the action. Sadly, the action is disappointing (save for one cool chase towards the end), the romance is non-existent due to the horrible acting of Joanne Whalley-Kilmer, the comedy falls flat, and the human drama which is supposed to make us care for these macho losers is worthless.

What comes as most surprising is how an entire cast come off badly even when there are some (sometimes) good people involved. Of course, the characters are one-dimensional and clichéd - yet another black man is involved and predictably gets killed - but nobody even brings a little spark of interest in their performance. Charlie Sheen is annoying as the frisky hero who does amazing feats just to show off, i.e. jump from a moving car on a bridge into a river. Michael Biehn, who showed fine promise with his good performances in THE TERMINATOR and ALIENS, is totally flat here, simply an action-man figure to look at. Bill Paxton, nowadays something of an above-the-title name, wears a moustache and has about two lines of dialogue. Frequently boring, plot less, and a load of rubbish to boot, this is neither exciting nor thrilling and is thoroughly forgettable.
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