No Safe Haven (1987)
5/10
Entertaining, but inconsistent "hard-edged" 80's action flick.
30 November 2016
Warning: Spoilers
No Safe Haven is exactly the type of movie you'd expect to see Wings Hauser show up in. That being said, this is a movie that really has it's moments, unfortunately those moments are diluted by several boring scenes - so be plenty prepared to take the good with the bad, but fret not, the good DOES outweigh the bad. On another casting matter, one that really does wonders for the movie, is the late-great Robert Tessier, one of my all-time favorites of the "That Guy" actor category, who was a distinctive and charismatic character actor, who made a living playing tough guy roles and here he really seems to be enjoying himself as a freelance arms-dealer. Only that's not until the middle of the movie where he comes in and lights up the party.

The basic plot goes as such, when Clete Harris' (Wings Hauser) mother and brothers are brutally murdered by a drug cartel (NFL game-rigging and the loss of 3 million dollars being key plot points), eventually Clete puts the pieces together after an "RJ-47" (apparently some kind of extensive and amazingly detailed background check) is secretly carried out by a friend in high place in the FBI. After that it's all in the name of revenge from there on out - save for a little nooky along the way.

One thing you'll notice is that Clete is damnably diligent in tracking down each and every one of the murderers and is vengeful as hell when he does. In one particular encounter Clete, disguised as a hotel waiter, tracks down one of the killers and once inside the room, turns into a vengeful demon in a bow-tie. The sequence of events goes as such: firstly he holds him at gun point, then punches him to the ground, then for some fireworks, he whips out a can of lighter fluid and empties the entire can onto the killer, then forcibly drags him onto the balcony, whips out his Zippo and sets him on fire, screaming in agony the killer-on-fire jumps from the balcony to his death ten stories down. A pretty "hard-edged" and lurid sequence, but were just getting started, as that's only the first victim. Over the course of the next hour Clete and then later the ever-entertaining Robert Tessier joins in the fun and they go on to assassinate an entire drug cartel and not to forget a certain treacherous ex-girlfriend who has ties to the cartel. Hauser and Tessier make for a ruthlessly efficient duo and the baddies, whether their in the USA or south of the border, do not stand a chance to their brand of vigilante justice. You can definitely file "No Safe Haven" under the sub-category of "scorned-loner-takes-out-the-trash-with-a-vengeance". The kind of movie I can really get into and though Wings Hauser is nowhere near as big a name as Eastwood, Bronson or Stallone, but never the less he certainly takes out the trash in No Safe Haven.

With what's obviously a meager budget, No Safe Haven does quite a bit with it, as the proceedings prove to be colorful and we find ourselves pinballing from one scenario to the next - from explosive speedboat chase's to sleazy backseat tryst's in stripclub parking lots to NFL prime-time game-day flashbacks to infiltrating a drug-lord's compound, which goes up in flames thanks to Clete's handiwork and for good measure they throw in a helicopter shoot em' up sequence to drive home the finale. At the end of it all Clete and Randy kill the bad-guy's, but, in a departure from the movie-formula DON'T get the girl. All in all No Safe Haven is hardly a great movie - but you can certainly do a lot worse. What I really like is how hardcore this movie is in it's most violent moments, watch for the "severed head trick" Clete pulls near the end - now that's using your, er, someones head. Plus I simply seem to like anything that Robert Tessier is in, from "Hard Times" to "The Deep" even terrible bottom-of-the-barrel dreck like David Carridine's "Future Force" has some inspired moments and let's not forget he show's up in one of the all-time best episodes of The A-Team - Robert Tessier (stuntman, actor and former para-trooper) had a colorful career. Lastly, judging by the looks of it, I'd wager that No Safe Haven was a direct-to-video release - but by no means does that mean you can't have fun with it.

No Safe Haven feels like a mash-up of an Andy Sidaris movie and one of your more violent episodes of Miami Vice: drugs, guns and plenty of T & A.
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