Frightmare (1983)
5/10
Death by floating coffin!
17 January 2018
Not to be confused with the 1974 Pete Walker horror film of the same name, Norman Thaddeus Vane's Frightmare is a goofy little film, the strange plot, weird atmosphere and offbeat performances resulting in a film that, while not particularly effective as a horror (genuine scares are in short supply), almost demands cult status.

The silly story sees ageing horror star Conrad Radzoff (Ferdinand Mayne, doing an amusing pastiche of Christopher Lee) bumping off two of his directors, one past and one present, before finally shuffling off this mortal coil himself. Soon after, Conrad's eternal peace is rudely interrupted by members of the local horror film society, who break into the actor's mausoleum and steal his corpse, treating it with a considerable lack of respect. When the horror star's wife is alerted to the fact that Conrad's body has gone missing, she hires a medium to contact her husband's spirit, and instructs him to return from the dead and teach the impudent scallywags a valuable lesson.

So what makes this film so batty? Well, for starters, Conrad's mausoleum is a high-tech marble monstrosity that makes bleepy computer sounds and comes complete with a neon sign, a motion activated video screen, and a vent that spews toxic gas. And when the crazy film kids get Conrad back to theirs, what do they do? Well, they invite him to dinner, dance with him and pose for photos with their idol. The death scenes are also a mite strange, the weirdest one seeing Conrad levitating his coffin to bash in a girl's head.

Without a doubt, the best thing about the whole film is Mayne's performance: whether it be alive as a hammy horror actor, or stone cold dead and motionless as a cadaver, he is utterly convincing and quite beguiling. Unfortunately, whenever Mayne is off-screen, the film is almost as lifeless as his character's corpse.

4.5 out of 10, rounded up to 5 for the brief topless nudity from Donna McDaniel and the nice and bloody decapitation of a young Jeffrey Combs.
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