Review of The Shallows

The Shallows (2016)
4/10
This plot has more holes in it than Swiss cheese
18 August 2018
Warning: Spoilers
I wanted to like this movie, but it's just so stupid I can't.

I love the beautiful bay and the long shots showing how pretty it is. But problem 1: where are the waves? There aren't any! It's clear that the actual surfing shots were filmed elsewhere. Come on... you don't surf on a beach with no waves. Sigh.

Other problems: 2. A shark that size bites you, and all you have is a tiny nick in your leg? 3. There's a juicy fat whale carcass right there, but the shark is only interested in bony human beings? 4. That whale carcass appeared out of nowhere? She's been surfing there all day, and suddenly turns her head and it's magically 60 feet away? 5. Why would you try to eat a crab after just a few hours? Just nonsensical. 6. The CGI dolphins were quite bad. But not as bad as the fake wound on her leg. I've seen 1980 horror movies with better blood... and they had a $500 budget. 7. The water is clearly shallow, as you can see in the aerial shots. Yet at the end when she sinks to the bottom, it's suddenly 60+ feet deep?! 8. Holding on to that chain would've ruptured her eardrums in seconds because she wasn't equalizing. 9. That shark is dumb enough to swim full force into the bottom of the ocean? 10. Why is there a buoy there, of all places? 11. Am I supposed to believe a beach this nice is right next to Tijuana, within walking distance of drunks, yet there's nobody there, no garbage, nothing? 12. Something tells me you wouldn't have a 4G connection on that beach to stream video on your phone.

Sigh. It's a shot, and it's a miss! Wasted opportunity. Watch a re-run of Jaws instead.
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