Review of The Touch

The Touch (2002)
2/10
Indiana Jones, except in kung fu style
8 November 2018
The biggest problem I have with this film - aside from the amazingly bad CGI effects, and we'll get to those later - is the fact that it so obviously rips off Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. All the story beats are there, from an ancient artefact to a secret hidden temple to a final test of character to a lousy father-child relationship to a desert location. And so on, ad nauseam.

The film also has big problems trying to decide whether it wants to be a comedy or not. Some scenes are played completely straight. They're played badly, but they're played straight. But then there's Bob (Dane Cook). He's the brother of the main villain and one of his henchmen. And he's so over the top goofy that it's almost impossible to believe it was not intentional. But the rest of the film seems like it's trying to take itself seriously. Well, as seriously as a kung fu Indiana Jones rip-off can, but still.

And then there's the special effects. They have not aged well. In fact, I don't believe they ever looked good to anyone. Quite honestly I've seen better graphics in early Playstation One games. That's not a high bar to cross, but somehow this film fails to manage even that much.

I love you, Michelle Yeoh, I really do, but unfortunately this is one your movies I wish I hadn't seen.
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