2/10
How can anyone sit still in front of this senatorial assault?!
12 March 2019
This was the most hyped of Disney's live-action remakes thus far, and eventually I caved. Why not try it, at least? Sadly, I barely lasted a couple of minutes, for two reasons. The first one is that the sets look fake. Everything is grandiose, rococo, oversaturated, stiff and overly symmetrical and "theoretical." I can suspend such disbelief in a theatrical setting, but not on screen.

The second reason, as you may have guessed, is Emma Watson. You can tick off the number of problems with her performance:

  • She can't sing. She just CAN'T. She can carry a tune because she was taught to do so specifically for the film, but she has absolutely no natural musical talent, no seductive sweetness. No way could I listen to this for two hours.
  • There's no verisimilitude to her acting. She's overly expressive; her emotions are exaggerated; her accentuation is artificial. But it's not just her: pretty much everyone on screen has the same annoying affectation. Again, this might work if they were in the Broadway musical. It fails, here.
  • She doesn't exactly have a pretty face. Sorry to be superficial, but the title is 'BEAUTY and the Beast' and she's playing a character named "Beauty." There's *just* no excuse for this one.


As one forum poster said shortly before the initial release, the concept was clearly to sell the public tickets to "Come and see Hermione play Belle!" and it worked. She was clearly miscast, though, even for the Broadway musical, which everyone on screen seems to think they were playing in.

I obviously can't comment on the actual dramatic storyline (though I did catch glimpses of obvious anachronisms such as black peasant girls alongside white counterparts in 17th-century France) but from what I've heard it's an (overly) "extended" version of the 1991 animated film, which for all its faults was at least highly entertaining. If they had focused on replicating the original story in live-action without any addendums they might have thought to pay attention to casting and directing. It wouldn't have been easy to reproduce the whimsical idiosyncratic fun of a musical project now so widely known, but with appropriate talent and enough willpower it shouldn't have been impossible, either.

As it is they seem to have been determined to create something so grandiose that they not only allowed theatrical affect: they also encouraged it. I actually think a YouTube video of the Broadway musical would be easier to get through. Heck, I'd go for a high school performance: at least the medium would leave no subconscious expectations to disappoint.

I give it a very generous two starts for WANTING to look good and having some vague idea of what that might be in theory.
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