I signed up just to review this awful, very bad movie. So, Richard Scheib called it "knowingly well-informed on anthropology and biochemistry and never resorts to cheap cliche or hackneyed elements." Haha. It was the exact opposite. Especially cliched. And hackneyed. Every character was as utterly stereotyped as you can imagine, and not one character did one smart thing from start to finish. Even the nameless characters were predictably stupid, starting with the helicopter flying the payload 10 feet off the ground, and ending with ... well the helicopter again. And anthropology? Well the iceman looks and dresses like a Neanderthal, sort of, and acts like a mentally handicapped Cro-Magnon. They didn't manage one enlightened or enlightening moment with him. But this was 1984, so what was I expecting? I thought we would at least be treated to some cheesy scenes in a disco, but they didn't manage even that ... though it would have been a marked improvement over the cheesy "science" they did try to portray. And the acting was as pathetic as everything else. No development, no relationships, no interest, just sarcastic sniping and puffed up personalities. God, the 80s sucked, and this movie is everything we are glad we left behind. Typical scene here ... the anthropologist, introducing himself to the iceman for the first time. Does he hold up his empty hands? Offer food? Smile? Nope. He walks closer and closer and closer, robot-like, half-paralyzed with fear, and comes right into the guy's personal space, who predictably proceeds to attack him. A village idiot would act smarter than these people. Roger Ebert called it, "spellbinding storytelling". Pffft. I have never done a movie review before, I will never trust Ebert's reviews again, and it will be a long time before I want to watch another movie from this era. Oh, one slightly redeeming factor? They show an impressive array of outdated technology, styles, and manners ... definitely a period piece!
Review of Iceman
