Kung Fu Yoga (2017)
4/10
Chindiana Jones.
20 March 2021
Jackie Chan is twelve years younger than Harrison Ford, and can still pull off some impressive moves, but both actors are well past their prime in terms of action movie star power. Ford's last CGI-laden Indiana Jones movie was so bad it gave us the phrase 'nuke the fridge' to describe a scene that is beyond ridiculous. As if to prove he can go one better (or should that be 'worse'?), Chan has given us the Raider of the Lost Ark-inspired adventure Kung Fu Yoga, which is incredibly dumb and almost as much computer-generated as it is live action: it starts off with a really bad CG historical prologue, and just keeps on going with the not-very-convincing digital trickery, delivering CG car stunts, a CG lion, CG hyenas, and CG snakes, frequently against CG backdrops.

Chan plays Chinese archaeologist Jack, who is approached by Indian princess Ashmita (played by drop-dead-gorgeous Bollywood babe Disha Patani) to help find a legendary treasure. Also trying to get his hands on the riches is Randall (Sonu Sood), descendant of the army general who hid the hoard. Or something like that. The plot doesn't make much sense at times, the emphasis on OTT action, not logic. Director Stanley Tong, the man behind the enjoyable Rumble in the Bronx and China Strike Force, delivers one or two 'nuke the fridge' moments of his own, the most outrageous being the high speed chase that sees Chan playing chauffeur to a CG lion.

Not content with just being inspired by Indiana Jones, Tong shamelessly steals iconic elements from Spielberg's movie: there's an attractive female student at one of Jack's lectures who flirts with the professor by drawing love hearts on her eyelids; one of the characters says the line 'I hate snakes'; and the location of the treasure is revealed by sunlight shining through a diamond attached to a staff. Hell, there's even a character called Jones! Sadly, it says a lot about the overall quality of an action film when the most enjoyable scene is the closing, tongue-in-cheek Bollywood dance routine performed by the whole cast (definitely NOT taken from Indiana Jones - I can't see Harrison Ford pulling off any of those moves).

3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for dishy Disha Patani: terrible actress but great to look at.
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