Hard to Die (1990)
5/10
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28 June 2021
This movie is credited to Arch Stanton but was actually directed B-movie legend Jim Wynorksi, which makes one wonder 'how bad does a film need to be for Wynorski to hide behind a pseudonym?'. A sequel of sorts to Sorority House Massacre II, the film is an undeniably dumb, poorly written, badly acted and clumsily directed mess, but actually isn't as unwatchable as one might imagine, providing you set your expectations low: Wynorski wisely adopts a tongue-in-cheek approach, and provides an almost endless parade of semi-naked big-breasted women, which certainly helps to make the time pass less painfully.

Gail Thackray (also hiding behind a pseudonym - Robyn Harris) and Melissa Moore play Dawn and Tess, employees at the ACME lingerie company, who have been tasked with doing the annual inventory. Helping them are temps Jackie and Shayne (Deborah Dutch and Bridget Carney), who dress like they've come from a call-girl agency rather than a temp agency. Also in the office to lend a hand is new secretary Diana (Karen Mayo-Chandler). Shifting dusty boxes from the basement to the 8th floor gets the girls all grimy, so they take it in turns to have a shower and then slip into some of the company's new range of skimpy underwear. However, the evening takes a terrifying turn for the ladies when they open a parcel that has been delivered to the wrong address and accidentally release the soul of serial killer Hokstedter, who quickly gets to work reducing the staff count.

What follows is typical Wynorski trash, the girls running around the building in their barely-there undies, while trying to avoid creepy janitor Orville Ketchum (Peter Spellos), who they believe is doing all the killing. Dawn, the cutest and most resourceful of the girls, has numerous encounters with Ketchum, repeatedly stabbing him and whacking him in the nuts, but he won't stay down - which turns out to be a good thing, since he is actually trying to protect her, the real murderer being Diana, who has been possessed by Hokstedter. The finalé sees Dawn and Diana engaging in a drawn out, bullet-riddled gun battle, 'cos in Wynorski's world, there's nowt more entertaining than two buxom women in their scanties firing machine guns.
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