Ahh..."Irwin Allen's (cymbals crash when name appears on screen) Production of: EARTH'S FINAL FURY" (err, I mean "When Time Ran Out..." (never forget those elipses)...or is it "The Day The World Ended"?
I am sorry friends...but as a lifelong Irwin Allen fan here"? Thus is one I simply "cannot be kind to". Nor can I "take it easy" on this one. Nor is it "a misunderstood classic".
At all. In any way.
This ONE film...makes (all by itself) BOTH "The Swarm" and "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" look like "The Godfather 1 and 2" by comparison.
The film was an expensive mess. It looks cheap, appears to have been shot thru a "crud covered screened window" (honestly....for a film in PARADISE? Why is the film so fuzzy/foggy/dimly-lit?
And then...ya get: THE CAST. (I will address the "not very special" effects later)...but the CAST. First off...Bill Holden (again) wanted "Top Billing" for this. Paul Newman should have said to Irwin "Let him HAVE it...as I am phoning in MY performance to clear my contractual obligation to appear in a 2nd Irwin Allen Film". But Holden (who actually DOES turn in a halfway decent performance...albeit with a script written by what HAD to be a 4th Grader) still did at least...try. (can't say that for the rest of the entire cast however. Unless one counts Alex Karras as an "actor").
Newman has less emotion than Michael Myers.
Jackie Bissett is SO BAD that she doesn't even look good in a tight shirt.
Borgnine and Buttons pal around the whole film with some hokey "I am gonna arrest you" subplot...and yet I love ya anyway bromance" thing going on.
Then...ya got PAT MORITA and SHEILA ALLEN as owners of a "brothel that hosts chicken fighting?" With Pat Morita spouting his lines "Where da fight? Where da fight...Mona!" (As if he were caricatures his OWN language. While "Mona the Brothel Matriarch" dresses like a wall tapestry found at a Jimmy Buffett-owned tiki bar.
Thank goodness Burgess Meredith and Valentina Cortesa are around to lend "credibility" as "The quasi Flying Walendas" to take a Half Hour to cross a bridge (that is a FOOT WIDE) carrying kids on their back, as if he were crossing a razor-thin tightrope.
Okay...so, this "not even good enough to be Irwin Allen's Production of "CAVE-IN" caliber" film had film actors in what wasn't even B-Grade Made for TV fodder back then"...went into theaters(!?!?) with movie stars reciting lines that aren't even fit for a Roger Corman Production...in a film with effects that aren't even on par with Corman.
Thusly...the EFFECTS. Lol. There were "effects"? Where?
Of course, every Irwin Allen film has to have the "mandatory helicopter exploding scene" (the LONE decent special effect)...more a stunt than an "effect". But the film is about...a VOLCANO. (Which kid's grade school project was stolen to create the "volcano"?) And it manages to "hurl Bus-Sized lava bombs....with precision accuracy...that explode on impact...enough to blow up an entire HOTEL?) They 1) look like a kid's thrown Sparkler and 2) "explode" like an atomic bomb.
My question to "defenders of this"...is EXACTLY WHAT did Irwin spend 22 Million...on?
The cast? (Doubtful. As Irwin was clever to always sign them for under-price and contractually obligated them to "appear in 2 IA films" by giving them a cut of the films Bix Office Take) The writers? Ummm...no. It is doubtful that neither Carl Foreman nor Stirling Silliphant were "commanding any type of A Grade Salary" at this point in EITHER career. (Nor did they seem to do any "writing" here as this isn't even on par with An Ed Wood script.
Am thinking THIS film (as it was originally to be a 20th Century Fox film entitled "The Day The World Ended") was held up for a LONG time as Irwin left Fox...went to Warners..made 2 bombs back to back...and this thing was held up in "Production Hell"...as even Holden looks different than he does in "Damien Omen 2" (same time frame made) and the effects are bad for even 1977. (This film says 1980) No way. The effects in "Condominium or Hurricane or Meteor" were ALL better than this. And Irwin...even in his bad films understood "set design and special effects" (Beyond The Poseidon Adventure AND The Swarm had some "hokey effects" too...but at least many were passable if not very good. And the sets were still magnificent.
Here? Whole Production looks cheap.
Like "could make it for 3 Million" cheap.
That aline would make me "go easier" on this film.
But for Irwin Allen to even LET this film fly? Is a travesty.
In no way...even following "Swarm and Beyond" could he THINK this was "good" in any way.
Those other 2? He directed and produced...so he probably thought "well...I did a good job, let em fly".
But this mess? No way.
It is boring. It has scenes that are pointless that go on for 15 minutes (the "exciting cars driving scenes to music that sounds like a tuba and one drum are playing") and has stock footage (same tidal wave that took out "The Poseidon" takes out the Backlot here.
Not one redeeming thing (except for the ridiculous "beach scene" where Bissett laughs hysterically at Newman telling some story about "selling negligees". ???? So bad...for 2 pros...that you GOTTA see it to believe it.
My guess? Is Irwin simply thru whatever profits he had left after Poseidon and Towering at this film and said "That's It...Fort Pitt".
Not even "so bad, it's good" (at least "The Swarm" is that). No. When Time Ran Into Earth's Final Fury on The Day Barbara Carrera's and James Franciscus' World Ended....is just DREADFUL.
I am sorry friends...but as a lifelong Irwin Allen fan here"? Thus is one I simply "cannot be kind to". Nor can I "take it easy" on this one. Nor is it "a misunderstood classic".
At all. In any way.
This ONE film...makes (all by itself) BOTH "The Swarm" and "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure" look like "The Godfather 1 and 2" by comparison.
The film was an expensive mess. It looks cheap, appears to have been shot thru a "crud covered screened window" (honestly....for a film in PARADISE? Why is the film so fuzzy/foggy/dimly-lit?
And then...ya get: THE CAST. (I will address the "not very special" effects later)...but the CAST. First off...Bill Holden (again) wanted "Top Billing" for this. Paul Newman should have said to Irwin "Let him HAVE it...as I am phoning in MY performance to clear my contractual obligation to appear in a 2nd Irwin Allen Film". But Holden (who actually DOES turn in a halfway decent performance...albeit with a script written by what HAD to be a 4th Grader) still did at least...try. (can't say that for the rest of the entire cast however. Unless one counts Alex Karras as an "actor").
Newman has less emotion than Michael Myers.
Jackie Bissett is SO BAD that she doesn't even look good in a tight shirt.
Borgnine and Buttons pal around the whole film with some hokey "I am gonna arrest you" subplot...and yet I love ya anyway bromance" thing going on.
Then...ya got PAT MORITA and SHEILA ALLEN as owners of a "brothel that hosts chicken fighting?" With Pat Morita spouting his lines "Where da fight? Where da fight...Mona!" (As if he were caricatures his OWN language. While "Mona the Brothel Matriarch" dresses like a wall tapestry found at a Jimmy Buffett-owned tiki bar.
Thank goodness Burgess Meredith and Valentina Cortesa are around to lend "credibility" as "The quasi Flying Walendas" to take a Half Hour to cross a bridge (that is a FOOT WIDE) carrying kids on their back, as if he were crossing a razor-thin tightrope.
Okay...so, this "not even good enough to be Irwin Allen's Production of "CAVE-IN" caliber" film had film actors in what wasn't even B-Grade Made for TV fodder back then"...went into theaters(!?!?) with movie stars reciting lines that aren't even fit for a Roger Corman Production...in a film with effects that aren't even on par with Corman.
Thusly...the EFFECTS. Lol. There were "effects"? Where?
Of course, every Irwin Allen film has to have the "mandatory helicopter exploding scene" (the LONE decent special effect)...more a stunt than an "effect". But the film is about...a VOLCANO. (Which kid's grade school project was stolen to create the "volcano"?) And it manages to "hurl Bus-Sized lava bombs....with precision accuracy...that explode on impact...enough to blow up an entire HOTEL?) They 1) look like a kid's thrown Sparkler and 2) "explode" like an atomic bomb.
My question to "defenders of this"...is EXACTLY WHAT did Irwin spend 22 Million...on?
The cast? (Doubtful. As Irwin was clever to always sign them for under-price and contractually obligated them to "appear in 2 IA films" by giving them a cut of the films Bix Office Take) The writers? Ummm...no. It is doubtful that neither Carl Foreman nor Stirling Silliphant were "commanding any type of A Grade Salary" at this point in EITHER career. (Nor did they seem to do any "writing" here as this isn't even on par with An Ed Wood script.
Am thinking THIS film (as it was originally to be a 20th Century Fox film entitled "The Day The World Ended") was held up for a LONG time as Irwin left Fox...went to Warners..made 2 bombs back to back...and this thing was held up in "Production Hell"...as even Holden looks different than he does in "Damien Omen 2" (same time frame made) and the effects are bad for even 1977. (This film says 1980) No way. The effects in "Condominium or Hurricane or Meteor" were ALL better than this. And Irwin...even in his bad films understood "set design and special effects" (Beyond The Poseidon Adventure AND The Swarm had some "hokey effects" too...but at least many were passable if not very good. And the sets were still magnificent.
Here? Whole Production looks cheap.
Like "could make it for 3 Million" cheap.
That aline would make me "go easier" on this film.
But for Irwin Allen to even LET this film fly? Is a travesty.
In no way...even following "Swarm and Beyond" could he THINK this was "good" in any way.
Those other 2? He directed and produced...so he probably thought "well...I did a good job, let em fly".
But this mess? No way.
It is boring. It has scenes that are pointless that go on for 15 minutes (the "exciting cars driving scenes to music that sounds like a tuba and one drum are playing") and has stock footage (same tidal wave that took out "The Poseidon" takes out the Backlot here.
Not one redeeming thing (except for the ridiculous "beach scene" where Bissett laughs hysterically at Newman telling some story about "selling negligees". ???? So bad...for 2 pros...that you GOTTA see it to believe it.
My guess? Is Irwin simply thru whatever profits he had left after Poseidon and Towering at this film and said "That's It...Fort Pitt".
Not even "so bad, it's good" (at least "The Swarm" is that). No. When Time Ran Into Earth's Final Fury on The Day Barbara Carrera's and James Franciscus' World Ended....is just DREADFUL.