Review of Iceman

Iceman (1984)
4/10
This is pseudoscience and the plot makes no sense
3 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
It sorta wanders from scene to scene never settling into any plot or point.

They discover a frozen man they call a Neanderthal, even though it's clearly Homo sapiens. The initial scenes are just fake science ramblings from researchers to fake a scientific setting. This is B movie stuff, impossible to get away with today in any movie with a budget higher than a million. The scientific observations remain on this pseudoscientific level. When the anthropology expert shows a video of a tribe he explains that those African people in the video cannot feel pain and that their skin cannot be harmed by fire. This is just to show what they think viewers will accept. No science here makes any sense. The expert also says that this Neanderthal is 40.000 years old. This is what he concludes while looking at him for just some seconds behind a thick wall of ice. Yet they visit a local Eskimo tribe nearby to ask them about a certain word the Neanderthal said and they have the same word for bird. They also have exactly the same religion as the Neanderthal with heaven and hell and a bird god. So we are supposed to believe that this word and religion somehow survived 40K years and that Eskimos have lived there for 40K? The timeline and locations are completely made up. Hell, his clothing makes no sense for such an extreme environment either. But I guess it could have been warmer back then.

They keep the Neanderthal in an enclosure with wild animals. At one point he finds his way out by pressing a door button. That's the great security they have! He kills a man in his escape attempt. Meanwhile they have pseudoscientific debates about what to do with him. Apparently no media knows about him being there, but when he kills a man they finally understand that they were too stupid to keep him there and want to put him on a plane - to somewhere. As they have all these debates they never conclude anything. They just scream and shout. We also never see who is in control or who decides what. They do various torture-like experiments on him at least so they don't consider him human. But the experiments they do would be very hard to do even on animals unless you apply for specific permits to torture animals for research. Random civil Americans being allowed to do torture-like experiments on a human is hard to imagine. They don't explain what they are doing or why. It's just done to show us that they are evil, yet they are not.

Everything here is just overly childish. The female lead is a horrible actress. She seemed to be a big star back then, but she is one of the worst actresses I have seen. And the various scenes make no sense either. At the end a helicopter is searching for him as the anthropologist kidnapped him. The helicopter then hovers right above his head and he grabs it. The helicopter soars into the air and instead of landing a passenger hands the Neanderthal his hand. His hand is a meter away so obviously it's impossible to grab onto. And either way landing the helicopter is by far safer. But this is how the movie ends. The Neanderthal lets go to commit suicide as he doesn't belong in our world. Nothing here made any type of scientific or moral sense. But it's a barely acceptable movie for kids I guess if they can handle boring adult stuff like this.
2 out of 7 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed