5/10
Worth it for Rosalyn Russell
22 February 2022
Warning: Spoilers
The Studio System had its pros and cons but it's hard to argue that the collected talent did not create great romantic comedies. As I write this, the contemporary Hollywood romantic comedy is dead, so RomCom lovers have been forced to the Hallmark Channel for their fix. Unfortunately, Hallmark RomComs resemble classic Hollywood RomComs in the same way that diarrhea resembles a turd: the same substance, but in a looser, smellier form.

Okay, that is a gross analogy, but I'm developing the idea of the RomCom spectrum, with the sublime (think It Happened One Night) on one end and everything ever broadcast on the Hallmark Channel on the other. The Feminine Touch is a weird movie in that it doesn't neatly fit on the spectrum. To assess its value, you really need to break it into components.

On the positive side of the spectrum is the cast. Rosalyn Russell can wring every possible laugh from the most basic line. In one scene, after an argument, she storms off to the bedroom, closes the door (one-one-thousand) opens the doors, sticks her head through and says, "I'm pretty sick and tired of you not knowing who Bob Jordan is," and then slams the door. Yeah, this doesn't make any sense out of context but trust me, this is an actress at her prime. Don Ameche and Van Heflin ably play second-fiddle to Russell and have fun doing foolish things. Kay Francis seems a bit miscast (her sophistication and wardrobe seem to belong elsewhere) but she does her best to fit in.

Somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, is the dialog, which needs to be separated from the story. The dialog is sharp and funny and, in the back of your head, you think "remember that gem to throw into my own, less witty, conversations."

Then there is the story, which is entirely focused on the concept of jealousy. Certainly, there is room for jealousy in a RomCom but the genre collapses when it is the main point. It's like making money the focus of a caper movie instead of the planning and execution of the plan.

RomCom characters need to start out at ends and, through their interactions, find an acceptable middle ground that leads to happily-ever-after. Yes, their interactions are usually not realistic (that is the difference between a RomCom and a Romantic Drama) but there has to be some internal logic to their interactions. Here, we have a professor whose philosophy is built upon the fact that jealousy does not exist. For some reason, his devoted and loving wife needs her devoted and loving husband, to be jealous. Their conflict is black and white so there is no middle ground to achieve. One of them must be completely wrong and submit to the other.

In the third act, for no reason other than a man shaves his beard (and the plot needs a resolution), the loving, jealous-free husband becomes a raving green-eyed lunatic in the blink of an eye. His transformation means that his wife has destroyed his hopeful world view through spite and manipulation. The result is an inverted RomCom. We started with a loving couple in a healthy relationship and end with damaged, unsympathetic individuals who seem unworthy of love.

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