Xena: Warrior Princess: The Bitter Suite (1998)
Season 3, Episode 12
8/10
The precursor to Buffy the Vampire Slayer's 'Once More, With Feeling'...
23 March 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Naked Gabrielle's in a sweat hut getting her butt whipped with a plant. Apparently that's the Amazon way of helping her work through the pain of losing her child/being partially responsible for Xena losing hers. It's interesting seeing Joxer interacting with Ephiny (Ted Raimi gets to do some 'serious' acting), as he thinks Gabby's had enough while Ephiny begs to differ. Meanwhile, Xena's off wailing on snow-covered mountains when Ares appears, making an inappropriate (albeit amusing) comment about her 'nice vocal' not being something one can dance to, though she gets him back by calling him a "soulless b@stard". He's encouraging her to return to her murderous ways, basically saying "Faster, pussycat! Kill! Kill!" whilst pointing her in Gabrielle's direction. Callisto never fails to entertain me, as she appears to Gabrielle, caressing her face...then slaps it (should've slapped her butt instead!). She's whispering in her ear/turning her against Xena (who she reckons ruined *both* their lives and was the reason Gabby got demonically-impregnated, so it's all HER fault), and eventually Gabby admits she HATES Xena.

The next scene's super-intense, with Xena whipping poor Argo whilst galloping in, Ephiny trying to reason with her (getting a broken arm for her trouble) and then ordering the Amazons to attack. There should've been at least *one* Amazon who was like, "Screw this! I'm not fighting Xena!" and fled...which is exactly what Joxer tells Gabrielle to do once she's regained consciousness and he's no longer carrying her in his arms (after having displayed his usual bad timing, emerging from her hut just as Xena was demanding Gabrielle's whereabouts). Joxer seeing the bloodlust in Xena's eyes/his "Oh, SH! T!" expression amuses me, but he gets to be heroic by at least *trying* to protect Gabrielle from Xena. Naturally, he's no match for her and he's lucky she took it easy on him. Once she lassos Gabrielle's legs with her whip, I'm glad they made a point of showing her getting on a horse that's NOT Argo (who's probably *glad* to not be party to the famous 'Gab-drag' that follows).

The dragging itself is well-done, as Xena takes Gabrielle for a ride through the countryside after dragging her through the elements of fire, rock and water. She's about to see if Gabrielle can fly through the air, holding her former friend's limp/beaten body above her head and screaming "Vengeance!" (complete with crazy eyes), but Gabrielle awakes, kicks Xena in the face and effective use of slow-mo is used to get across just how major this moment is, with Xena having been about to KILL Gabrielle who declares her hatred for her would-be murderer and then tackles her, sending them both off the cliff into the water below. We're then treated to some poetry (about life/fish) by the unmistakable voice of Hudson Leick, who pulls the naked Xena out and FINALLY Callisto gets to snog Xena after all this time! Yes, it's the kiss of life, but whatever. She's dressed as Aleph/'The Fool' from Tarot cards (other tarot images are depicted by various characters) and it's quite trippy seeing Callisto looking decidedly UN-Callisto-like with her smiley-ness, blonde-bob-haircut-combined-with-green-dress-and-red-tights getup, bag-on-a-stick-with-a-BLINKING-EYE and little white fluffy talking/singing dog.

While Hudson Leick doesn't do her own singing, she provides the 'talking' bits of her song and I think the actual singer's voice matches it well. My favourite parts are Callisto's expression when she's crouched down, gazing up at Xena's naked backside, and then once the song's over, Xena grabbing her by the ear (the way Hudson does this smile as Xena tugs on her ear cracks me up) and Hudson's almost-squeaky "Ow!" when she's tossed to the ground. Everything in between? Well, it's certainly KOOKY with the spinning Wheel of Fortune, and the dubbed singing's good (less so the unpleasing-to-the-ear-singing-creatures), as is Hudson's lively performance. The song itself? Meh. Meanwhile, naked Gabrielle's fished out of a river by an upside-down-Joxer-as-the-Hanged-Man. Her mistaking the Land of Illusia for the the Elysian Fields/her line about how "Only heroes wind up here. Dead heroes. Dead *naked* heroes." as she becomes aware of her nakedness amused me (as did this version of 'Joxer the Mighty', which I remember ALL the words to/I think is the most 'polished' version of the song, thus making it my favourite), then Hangman-Joxer creates her a dress from grass.

Xena's praised-through-song by warriors who can't sing that well (though them peeking out from behind their shields as they chant "Xena!" is funny). Whereas Kevin Smith/Ares-as-the-Emperor, spinning around on a throne, thankfully *can* sing. Sadly, the actress playing Gabrielle's sister (Lila) cannot...though gives it a go anyway. While Xena's surroundings are dark/gloomy, Gabrielle-who's-now-dressed-as-the-Empress is in bright/cheery surroundings...but is amusingly provided with a scythe/told that killing Xena would be 'kind'. Unfortunately, she's outmatched by Xena-as-the-Queen-of-Swords. A blue-lipped-Joxer-as-the-Hermit declares Gabby's deadness, Xena-as-Death gets serenaded by Ares (his parting line, "Nothing more need be said. Ding-dong, the b!tch is dead." is unexpected/morbidly amusing), Callisto-now-dressed-as-Justice asks-in-song if Xena feels any better, Xena expresses regret upon realising what she's done as an *alive* Gabrielle appears to make her feel guilty. Xena justifying it as having killed an 'illusion' non-surprisingly *doesn't* comfort Gabrielle.

They're transported to the Hall of Echoes, where they yell accusations/blame at each other for the past, a flaming Wheel of Fortune appears, once again Gabrielle's menaced by fire/pulled towards it, ending up on an altar with bloodied hands, reminded of her first kill. A low-rent Dementor (Torment) floats through the air, summoning cloaked figures (Caesar, Khrafstar, Callisto, Ares...plus black-eyed/'dark' versions of Xena/Gabrielle who're about to break the legs of/stab real Xena/Gabrielle). They sing about hate winning, but Xena and Gabrielle explode them with their song about love/forgiveness or whatever (LL can sing, while ROC's singing is obviously dubbed). Torment's revealed as Ming T'ien (who Gabrielle learns Xena killed), he's destroyed, Solan appears, Xena finally tells him he's her son. Once this unfinished-business is settled, Xena/Gabrielle end up back home on a beach, laughing together, their friendship having been magically mended by the power of song!
4 out of 4 found this helpful. Was this review helpful? Sign in to vote.
Permalink

Recently Viewed