The Black Cat (1989)
5/10
Out-cheeses even Argento himself
20 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Was this movie ever officially marketed as part of the Three Mothers Trilogy? Luigi Cozzi in the extras denies he ever meant this to be a part of that universe, though the influences are plain as day. Both directly and indirectly. One thing I did like about this story, was the fact that the movie was about filmmakers and actresses writing and producing a sequel to Suspiria (er, at least it starts out that way), with direct references to Argento. That's a meta plot (from 1989), and I'm into that sort of thing. Cozzi also implies Argento had a hand in cutting the film. So, ya got me.

But, in no short order, this thing goes well off the rails.

SPOILER: Seems every wacky sequence in this is a dream. Or is it?! (Insert insanely dumb ending).

Well, the Mother of Tears herself, Lavana, doesn't want this flick being made. Oh boy. Creature effects (specifically our star creature) and special effects are sub-bargain basement. As in, scratch the negative and paint it for lasers shooting out of fingers, and I'm pretty sure someone raided the local supermarket for a case of oatmeal.

Some nice lighting stolen from a certain famous Italian director does not make up for this movies multitude of shortcomings. This story makes no sense (granted, it's mostly told in dream sequences), and the whole film features some rather questionable music cues (courtesy of Bang Tango and White Lion). Frankly, that schtick was more effective in Demons. Italian movie filmed in English, then subsequently badly DUBBED in English, well, that's classic Italian horror. The director's mistress, Nora (played by the ever-gorgeous Caroline Monro) is seen in a number of compromising positions... uh, however, always covered up. Still, that's gotta factor into my score. A couple positive qualities along with some unintentional laughs, I'm giving "The Black Cat" a 5.

Argento had the last laugh on this whole fiasco, officially releasing the 3rd installment of trilogy, Mother of Tears in 2007. Only one of THE most unintentionally hilarious movies I've seen in my life. Offhand, also see: The Vineyard.
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