A space crew is assigned to ferry a scientist to a space station. The stereotypical crew consists of the stud commander (Eric Fleming), the skirt-chasing navigator (Patrick Waltz), and the comic relief/wisecracker/occasional moron (Dave Willock). The scientist is played by Paul Birch. Before they can lift off, Waltz has to play tonsil hockey with his girlfriend, played by the ultra-sexy Joi Lansing, who has an all-too-brief appearance.
Now it's out into space, where they witness the destruction of the space station by some mysterious ray. The ray latches onto them, and we see ripped-off footage from World Without End, as the rocket crash lands in snow. Birch immediately concludes they are on Venus, but doesn't bother telling the crew why he knows that. Somehow, they manage to move from a polar ice cap to a lush looking forest, where they are captured by chicks in high heels and miniskirts. "They speak English!" exclaims Waltz, assuming his crewmates are too dumb to figure that out. Actually, besides English, the babes occasionally say something that sounds like "Bocce No," so I suspect they are really Italian and don't like lawn games. Then there is Zsa Zsa Gabor, playing Talleah, who is a researcher or something along those lines. Apparently the scientist-women on Venus are immigrants from Eastern Europe, just like on our planet. Zsa Zsa talks about the history of of "var" and "veapons" on Wenus - er, Venus. The Queen, played by Laurie Mitchell, spends most of the film behind a mask, presumably because she was too embarrassed to be in this movie.
The Queen thinks the men are here to help launch an attack from Earth. This gives Fleming the chance to say "that's not true" an uncountable number of times. The Queen is not convinced, and ponders using the beta disintegrator to destroy the earth. Zsa Zsa utters the classic "I hate dat Queen," and helps Fleming and the others escape. At one point, Zsa Zsa tries to impersonate the Queen. Gee, I wonder what will give her away? The finale is a riot, as the men and the Venusian dolls stage a Pier Six brawl, while the disintegrator goes up in smoke.
If you can put up with endless talk, this movie isn't half-bad. It was filmed in Cinemascope, and the special effects and sets are decent, but the crew's uniforms are stolen from Forbidden Planet. Birch is competent as always, no matter what production he is in. Zsa Zsa spends most of the movie in heat, drooling over Fleming. She accomplishes the impossible by reaching her acting zenith and nadir in the same film. Waltz wastes no time finding a Venusian girlfriend, but I don't see his appeal. His nostrils are always flaring, like he just walked into the sigmoidoscopy recovery room at Northern Westchester Hospital and caught a whiff. Willock looks like a shriveled version of Ronald Reagan. And the less said about the giant spider, the better.
The dialogue is intentionally hilarious at times, and unintentionally risqué at other times. For instance, when the men are hiding in a cave with their women, making out, and the fire is dying, each guy keeps telling the others to "get more wood."
Now it's out into space, where they witness the destruction of the space station by some mysterious ray. The ray latches onto them, and we see ripped-off footage from World Without End, as the rocket crash lands in snow. Birch immediately concludes they are on Venus, but doesn't bother telling the crew why he knows that. Somehow, they manage to move from a polar ice cap to a lush looking forest, where they are captured by chicks in high heels and miniskirts. "They speak English!" exclaims Waltz, assuming his crewmates are too dumb to figure that out. Actually, besides English, the babes occasionally say something that sounds like "Bocce No," so I suspect they are really Italian and don't like lawn games. Then there is Zsa Zsa Gabor, playing Talleah, who is a researcher or something along those lines. Apparently the scientist-women on Venus are immigrants from Eastern Europe, just like on our planet. Zsa Zsa talks about the history of of "var" and "veapons" on Wenus - er, Venus. The Queen, played by Laurie Mitchell, spends most of the film behind a mask, presumably because she was too embarrassed to be in this movie.
The Queen thinks the men are here to help launch an attack from Earth. This gives Fleming the chance to say "that's not true" an uncountable number of times. The Queen is not convinced, and ponders using the beta disintegrator to destroy the earth. Zsa Zsa utters the classic "I hate dat Queen," and helps Fleming and the others escape. At one point, Zsa Zsa tries to impersonate the Queen. Gee, I wonder what will give her away? The finale is a riot, as the men and the Venusian dolls stage a Pier Six brawl, while the disintegrator goes up in smoke.
If you can put up with endless talk, this movie isn't half-bad. It was filmed in Cinemascope, and the special effects and sets are decent, but the crew's uniforms are stolen from Forbidden Planet. Birch is competent as always, no matter what production he is in. Zsa Zsa spends most of the movie in heat, drooling over Fleming. She accomplishes the impossible by reaching her acting zenith and nadir in the same film. Waltz wastes no time finding a Venusian girlfriend, but I don't see his appeal. His nostrils are always flaring, like he just walked into the sigmoidoscopy recovery room at Northern Westchester Hospital and caught a whiff. Willock looks like a shriveled version of Ronald Reagan. And the less said about the giant spider, the better.
The dialogue is intentionally hilarious at times, and unintentionally risqué at other times. For instance, when the men are hiding in a cave with their women, making out, and the fire is dying, each guy keeps telling the others to "get more wood."