4/10
Fashion! Turn to the left. Fashion! Gently fall asleep...
16 November 2023
Black-gloved psycho killers and defenseless fashion models nicely go together, like peas & carrots. That is something Mario Bava - greatest director in history - already discovered back in 1964 when he gave birth to the wondrous Italian horror sub-genre of "Giallo". Many great Gialli are set in, or linked to, the fashion industry ("Death Walks at Midnight", "Too Beautiful to Die", "Plot of Fear", Nothing Underneath") and I wish I could have included the late 80s outing "Fashion Crimes" to the list as well.

But alas, this film is weak and unremarkable on every level where a true Giallo is supposed to excel. I'm talking too few and bloodless murders, barely any suspense, unconvoluted plot, colorless lead characters, predictable twist and finale, absence of nudity & sleaze, dull usage of scenery, weak soundtrack, and a killer that nearly isn't sadistic or deranged enough.

Alone and exhausted, top-model Gloria is forced to take a detour on her way home at night and experiences - of course - engine trouble in a remote area. She enters a villa hoping to find help, but she witnesses a murder and runs off hysterically. When she wakes up in a hospital the next day, nobody believes her story because the villa she refers to has been sealed off and abandoned for years. When Gloria also finds herself stalked by a killer that nobody else believes really exists, she's sent through to a psychiatrist.

It's quite funny how even in 1989, more than 15 years after the glory days of the Giallo sub genre, director Bruno Gaburro still assumes that audiences can easily be fooled and misled. The psychiatrist played by Miles O'Keefe is hilarious, for instance. I promise you'll never see, in any other movie ever made, a person looking and behaving more suspiciously than he does! It borderline pathetic how Gaburra desperately wants to persuade us, viewers, that the shrink is the killer! Sure.

Ah well, the dumb clichés and underestimation of the audience aren't even the things that bothered me the most. The lack of a compelling script, the boring pace, the uninterested performances of Anthony Franciosa ("Tenebre"), and the complete absense of bloodletting are the unforgivable defaults.
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