I genuinely, typically enjoy these first of the year horror releases in the theater. I have for the last several years.
So, what better way to start 2024 on a chilly and wet early January day than to venture into the warm darkness of my local cinema for this annual occurrence?
This is usually a rather satisfying trip.
Not this time.
My fingers are all pruny, I smell like chlorine but this movie is not a horror film.
Far from it.
Night Swim?
More like daytime drama.
Yes, it's PG-13, but that means nothing when it comes to scares.
The best mess with your mind.
Nope. Not here. It keeps you safe on the shallow end.
With floaties on.
The dad doesn't even look like a former athlete, much less a major leaguer.
Stuff like that bugs me.
I know he's sick but he looks more like a banjo player than one of the Milwaukee Brewers.
Jam band maybe but not a ball player.
Not believable.
But none of this is.
Why is this happening? How is this happening? What makes this water so wicked?
The explanations given make your eyes hurt more from rolling than anything chlorine could ever do.
It's hard to believe this early, but sink or swim and this sucker sinks like a stone right to the bottom.
One of the Worst Films Released in Theaters in 2024.
There's no lifeguard on duty. You assume your own risk going to see this one.
Oh! There is a killer song on the soundtrack by a band called Harmonica Lewinski. So, at least there's that.
So, what better way to start 2024 on a chilly and wet early January day than to venture into the warm darkness of my local cinema for this annual occurrence?
This is usually a rather satisfying trip.
Not this time.
My fingers are all pruny, I smell like chlorine but this movie is not a horror film.
Far from it.
Night Swim?
More like daytime drama.
Yes, it's PG-13, but that means nothing when it comes to scares.
The best mess with your mind.
Nope. Not here. It keeps you safe on the shallow end.
With floaties on.
The dad doesn't even look like a former athlete, much less a major leaguer.
Stuff like that bugs me.
I know he's sick but he looks more like a banjo player than one of the Milwaukee Brewers.
Jam band maybe but not a ball player.
Not believable.
But none of this is.
Why is this happening? How is this happening? What makes this water so wicked?
The explanations given make your eyes hurt more from rolling than anything chlorine could ever do.
It's hard to believe this early, but sink or swim and this sucker sinks like a stone right to the bottom.
One of the Worst Films Released in Theaters in 2024.
There's no lifeguard on duty. You assume your own risk going to see this one.
Oh! There is a killer song on the soundtrack by a band called Harmonica Lewinski. So, at least there's that.